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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #002' by Kazeuri

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

Well, here it is, it jumps up, hits you in the face, and then you are left with a feeling of "Where is my pants".

Body

All of my towel stealing finally got me busted. I nick named the security guard "OMEGA RED" because he wears a red K-Mart jacket, and also I don't think he has ever had a girlfriend because his face has more grease than what they fry McDonald's fries in. Anyway, I was carefully picking out blue towels, when BAM BAM BAM, I heard him walking down the isle.

He seen me, so I started to run. He was drinking a 20oz COKE and tried to just chase me RIGHT OUT OF THE STORE. I went towards the front, and kicked some little boy off the quarter horsie. I finished up his quarter ride while shouting things at OMEGA RED, but somehow he caught up with me!

It ended with me putting the towel on as a cape and running away BATMAN style! Hell yaa, and I got away! Speaking of getting away Batman style, my mailbag seems popular!

Since I like you guys more than blue towels (maybe), I decided I would IMMEDIATELY add another Mailbag! Yes yes yes, you can thank me later by paying me in milk.

Balance
"Alpha" writes: What is the number 1 rule for dungeon balance?
Response: Well, sonnysir, I am not too sure. It really depends on the type of game you want. If you want to annoy the player, make sure to make a monster every step, and the monsters must be easy but take a long time to defeat. Add a lot of puzzles too! Over-all, a dungeon is just that, a dungeon, it is meant to be unpleasant, but an obvious obstacle. Make sure your game is over-all fun, but the dungeon is annoying.

A love letter
"Bart" slams his keyboard to say: Kaze, do you love me?
Response: Look, my first love letter! I might just steal some chocolates from K-Mart for ya, old Bartek! I think Bart is trying to look at me for love because of our recent staff STRIKE. The staff refused to work until Bart turned homosexual, so now he is trying to pretend he is a homosexual to please our staff. What a crazy world!

A slimey doom
"Kermit The Toad" licks up: Why can`t I login to Gaming World from the main page? I am forced to login through the forums and then refresh my main page to get in. What`s the deal?!?!
Response: I'm not too sure. I would ask Bart, but his little brother was using the computers. I asked him, and he said "It's pretty good, but I get confused by switches." I do not know what that means. It was scarier than the entire FEARDOTCOM movie though, that movie sucked. What I say is: Clean your cookies and cache, maybe even reinstall your browser, and try again. Since like no one else has this problem, (as far as I know) it is hard to put out a diagnosis. If the problem continues, lick up another letter right quick, and i'll make sure Bart sees to it.

The anger
"Fire Mage" writes: You can get some Game Maker tutorials at my website. http://www.(EDITED-OUT-URL).com.net.org :)
Response: What is this, sonnysir! What is the dealio?! I went to your site, and didn't find any tutorials, bub. Not only that, but it hurt my eyes! Keep trying, but don't send in a link with false information! This isn't advertising central, or a hobo sign with nothing written on it and we hand you a magic marker. Instead, this is my high quality MAIL BAG of SMELL GOOD BAG. People say "Yous cant (whatever) your way out of a paper bag!", well guess what, I can't smell my way out of this damn website!

I make you DBZ!
"xxblack_adderxx" tried to type: i`m looking for some help for a game i`m working on, if you know anyone who would like to help please send me a message.
Response: Sorry, but I am the master of RM2K! I'd love to help you with Rm2K, but sorry NO. Try posting on our forums in the appropriate section, and a good friend will help you. I'm sure that "GOKU FIGHTS FINGERLESS JOE" will be a good game, just keep working on it, hehe.

Please shoot Santa
"Ion_X" slipped this: Eh I need to know one day at about 12:45 I ran upon this site showing that ACSII is releasing RPG Maker for PS2 I forgot the site but I will see if I can find it again
Response: Yes, it is real. RPGMAKERER 3000, or whatever. I tell you this now. This little nifty crap shack is only for console, so like the first RPGMaker, it will totally suck. Some things should die, and stay dead (unlike me). I can't find any direct articles on it because I am too cheap to buy an account at IGN, and do not visit any other sites. Have fun searching, I am pretty sure it is being made for the Playstation 2 though, and if it isn't some scum hood will post a comment below here and tell you, because I think you need to see it. Have fun, and have a nice life.

Well, since each mailbag is around seven responses, I guess it is time to end this one. I am sad to see my typing go, but it must! I hope everyone enjoys this one MORE than the last one, and am just trying to give you guys an initial taste and fire up some letter-writing.

One last thing, to write in a letter to the MAILBAG of GAMING WORLD, go to the main page, and scroll down. Thanks for your time, and I hope you laughed while I attempted to answer your question (I think that is what I do).

Ninja in action!