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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #003' by Kazeuri

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

WOW, I see London, I see France, I see another MAILBAG in my PANTS! Wait a minute...

Body

Here it comes again, like a pounding rain! Kazeuri brings the mailbag back again because he must, it is his calling (That, and baked goods). So, here I am! I'm right here!

Let's start off with my story of the week, and then we will have some FUN.

There I was, towel in hand, near the TACO BELL. I was thinking, HOW DO I GET FREE FOOD? They kick me out because all I do is buy a drink and abuse the free refills. Mr.TacoBellMcTaco says to me "SONNY SIR, I TELL YOUS WHAT, IT IS TIME YOUS WENT HOME". I looked around, and the store was empty! What to do?

I quickly searched for an insult, like "Go make me a taco guy!", but couldn't find one. I sitll had on my NINJA MASK though, so it was ok. I grabbed a thousand salt packets, and broke for the door, YIPPE!

Next thing I know, there is a squad car pulling up slow as I walked down the road back to mine house (NIGHT TIME IS SCARY), and he asks me "Hey hey hey buddy! You seen any other guys look almost like you, tall like you, wearing a ninja mask, carries towels, has a bunch of salt packets?" I was like "OF course not, officer!" Then he said "Ok, that's good, be on your way then."

He pulled away so I walked home, but my house was too far so I took a nap in a ditch. THE END

On to the mailbag!

Njaff?!
"Lord_Abriel" gnaws: Njaff! TREMBLE PUNY...uh...MORTALS! I hath called upon the might of thee powerfully mighty mailbox thingy. Here is the question of the Sheep:
Why is the sky green?

Response: Lesson for all future senders. Do not write crap letters unless you want crap responses. Such shame from such bright people! What the hell is Njaff anyway? Would someone take a second to explain this? Haha!

Make Maker Make You Make Your Maker Meet My Maker
"Themastermaker" makes: hello kaze i want to make an rpgmaker where should i start and what do i need thanks!!
Response: Hello, Themastermaker! Well, a maker makerer is always good! What you have to do first is invest tons of time learning a REAL language, like C++, C, Python, etc. Then you run over to the grocery and buy adult diapers, a lot of potato chips, and some very large quantity of liquid. You will need these, once you start programming a maker, it could take years. I'm talking 5-10 years. Have fun anyway, and GOOD LUCK if you try it buddy!

Hail Satan!
"DarkPriest" summons: If I listen to satanic music, does that make me a satanist? I also wear mostly black clothes (but not goth style). This has really been bugging me for quite a while Mr. Kazeuri, since even my friends call me satanist and ask when Im gonna do some more sacrifices. I am not a satanist, am I ?!?!?
Response: I often have this problem too. I usually do not hang out with "GOTH" kids, just my fellow juggalos, but when we paint our faces people ask us if we are "In the demon club or something?!". So, as a fellow stereo-typed kid, I know what you are talking about. The important thing is, you are nothing anyone says you are just because they say you are. Remember that, and never question yourself because of someone else. your in control of your own destiny :) If they are REALLY ignorant, and will not leave you alone, go along with it. Be like "Yes, Satan tells me your next to be sacrificed, I have a dead baby in my backpack, I want to smoke your lungs in a cigar." Just so they know how STUPID it sounds.

Pants? Pants? PANTS!?
"fantomcrono" asks: Have you seen my pants? I have lost them. Dang those Gnomes
Response: Okay, to give everyone a background check, I got a lot of mails asking where peoples pants were. I DEAL IN TOWELS. Unless you wear a towel as pants, or some strange dress-towel, I have no idea! I think I DID see your pants, however, they were on a TV commercial. I tried to grab them, but quickly had my finger up some old ladie's nose.

The towels!
"Chance" takes a chance and asks: Why do you steal blue towels?
Response: It is my duty! Blue towels are by far the best towels of all, in all the store, so of course I steal them! Blue is my favorite color, but only dark blue. I also steal black towels, but they are hard to find, it is so badass to wear a black towel like BATMAN! Batman just fling that Batarang RIGHT TO YOUR FACE. Ich bin fledermause mensch!!

Thor crush you!
"meng_thor" ignites: a comment: gaming world keep up the good work!
also tell me that if anyone had the source code for rm2k! why? cuz so i can program rm2k into a better one using visual basoc 6.0.

Response: I appreciate your comment! I really do not think anyone has the source code. Best you can get is the Hex. I wouldn't recommend Visual Basic though, try a REAL language like C++ or Python. They make VB cry up a wet storm because they are so much better! VB is better for small applications. Thanks for thinking of us, with that comment, and of everyone, with an RPGMaker. On your grave we will write "He is dead.".

Wow
"Crono Fantasy" blurbs: Is this where I type to ask some thing?
Response: YES, and for all other mis-guided patrons, where you ask is on the Gaming World MAIN PAGE, just scroll all the way down, type your nifty response, and then hit Enter. From there, it travels through Sea World, right to my house. Sometimes I eat the response, sometimes I reply. It's all a game of chance.

First hatemail!
"CrackWhoreMcMoron" (Name changed to protect the GUILTY): Mail bag is SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT !!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SH IT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!SHIT!!
Response: I'm glad I finally got hate mail! Let's analyze this, the guy is obviously crying out for attention. No one knows of "Mana Beast" anyway. Who cares that you do not like mailbag?! Not me! I barely do anything but sit here and throw pencils at the ceiling, if one happens to land on my keyboard and almost type back a "RESPONSE", it is all good! So, go have fun, and show me your site better than Gaming World, your mailbag better than Kazeuri's, and your great community better than Gaming World's.

Memphis Tennesse, or Egypt?
"memphus" sends in: How long has Gaming World been around?
Response: good question, Memphus! It has been around a long time, that is why our website has WRINKLES. Actually, around 3 years. Bart was working at RPGMaker.net three years ago, and I'm pretty sure at LEAST the concept was around that long, and by the year 2003, Gaming Would will DEFINITELY be 3 years old (about how long I have been on IRC). Some people have been around since the start, and are STILL HERE. Like me, I had no life in life, and have no life in death, kinda weird. Anyway, even in the year 2030, I'm sure GW will still be around in some form or another to keep bringing you the coolness (Unless Wishmoo sues us because we use computers to get online, and that is trying to copy her somehow)!

telboy007 and MINIME
"telboy007" types: When does someone stop being a n00b? :)
Response: I tell you what! What. Actually, I think someone stops being a n00b when their attitude changes. Being a newbie isn't about being new to the site, there is no problem there, but being a newbie involves spamming, claiming first post, and EATING MY DAMN GRASS. Let me tell you this, I go outside to get the paper and the wind is blowing, everything is good, early morning, I yawn, and WHAT IS THIS?! Someone has eaten patches of my yard all over!!! If I actually cared, it would have made me angry, but since I don't care, I had to go into my TOWEL STOCK and cover my yard with towels. It is one big towel yard now, thanks to some whacko eating my grass!


There it goes guys, 10 big whole letters. They are big, they are whole, they are letters, and best of all, they have responses! Want a response to your letter? Write in today, don't delay!

Stop sending me crap letters though, how am I supposed to answer questions that are a statement?! Just a warning, if you write in a crap letter, you get a crap response. Crap + crap = crap mailbag. Have fun, but not too much fun, because then you lose an eye and your parents laugh, or something.

I'm out like the Scarecrow from a BATMAN power PUNCH!