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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #004' by Kazeuri

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

What is it I say? Mailbag 4 is on the way after such a delay! Ty saying that 90x fast, and don't stop until you hit 90, cheater.

Body

Mailbag #4, because 4 rhymes with MORE. What does MORE have to do with Mailbag? MORE LETTERS! I have decided to not make a mailbag as OFTEN but to have each mailbag be LONGER. It's like your doctor saying "Okay, I upped your dosage to 500 megamillograms from 2 millograms, but now you only take it three times a week".

Before we get started, it's time for FUNNY STORY!

Every day for my second class, I take a bus to a Vocational school. Some kid on this bus once told me and some of my friends about how he burned down his Grandma's house and had to move here because of other stuff and TERRORISM. He isn't AKBAR MCARABIA though, he is a pale, skinny, pastey, white boy. He has hair that has NEVER BEEN COMBED, and it a grown-out mullet I think. Anyway, since then we call him "TERRORIST". This kid is pretty stupid.

Today, he was argueing over cars (complicated, about a Hemmy VS a Camero). This kid was wrong about everything, and is really stupid. When we were argueing with him becuase he wouldn't shut up, he said "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS? BILLY THE BULLY?! I'M NOT TOUGH TOMMY". I froze in fear! What kind of lame ass uses words like "BILLY BULLY"?! I was scared all over like WHAT?! I think there was a moment of silence where he proceeded to say stuff that annoyed me like "THE SKY IS GREEN, REALLY" then this one kid just smashed him on the head with a FIST and he shut up. I think there were 8 of us back there about to pound him into MORON STEW.

Ninja Mask!?
"telboy007" types: Why do people write "good tutorial, but i havent read it." as a comment?!? WHY? PLEASE TELL ME WHY?!? WHAT IS THE POINT? MY GOD... I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! Is you ninja mask made out of a blue, dark blue or black towel?
Response: Most people are just trying to show that they appreciate your article, but do not really WANT to read it. Don't worry, it is like a high form of "Your cool". As for my NINJA mask, it is usually an OLD SHIRT I carefully fold onto mine head! It could be an old ICP shirt, old Ninja Turtles shirt, anything, even an old BATMAN shirt!!! WOW AMAZING! Also, I like to wear a Raiders cap too, but no one likes the Oakland Raiders anymore >:(

Game Submission
"adiemus" types: howwwwww do u submit a game
Response: This is rather easy! Try sending it out through e-mail, over IRC, directly to a staffer, whatever way you can get it to us pretty much works. I think you could even post a download of it on the proper section of the forums and ask us to review it. Back when I made games like "ALEX I MEAN KAZE FIGHTS THAT RTP GUY", I often used to just send them over IRC to Bartek. Bartek would then change IRC to default download folder THE RECYCLING BIN.

Johanz Cool Dude
"Johanz" fingers (HAHA): Weee! Love yer mailbag and im a new user, and getting the hold of things, like who is posting what and how you do this and that, now to the real question,
What do i need to include to make a fun RPG??? :)

Response: Any fun RPG has some KEY ELEMENTS! Just think about what YOU like! Tons of mini-games, fun side-quests, tons of bosses, unique story-lines, and something that is easy to get involved in. I don't think ANYONE likes a game that starts out: "Overb empire finnaly defeated the Kraouken Knights at Bourten pass where Nio was born. Nio now returns with Jiol and the Princess NOONECANPRONOUNCEHERNAME to Azaliea city to..." WTF?! Stops!


Ow my brain case is fire!
"Skullfire" axes: Well, just wanted to ask... dont you have anything better to do than to answer this mailbag?! huh? huH!? XDD
Response: Wow time for answer! Infact, I DO have better things to do. That is why the mailbag wasn't updated for three years! I was going to go outside and UH OH THE SUN. Yaa, damn hat sun.

AGS Average Good Stupid that is my mail rating system
"silvaduro" also axes: WHere the heck is the AGS community on this site! Surely some people have used it?
An excerpt from the help file...
"Adventure Game Studio (or AGS for short) allows you to create your own point-and-click adventure games, like the older Sierra games (Space Quest 4, King's Quest 5-6, etc). It includes an easy-to-use Integrated Development Environment, and you do not need any programming experience to make a game using it.
For more advanced users, AGS supports scripting, where you can write a sort of program which allows you to have great control over the game.
By default, AGS will create Sierra-style adventure games, with the pop-up icon bar, and right-click cycles through the modes (walk, look, use, speak). However, you can change the interface completely using the Interface Editor to make Lucasarts-style or any other type of interface you want. AGS handles many parts of the system for you, like load/save game, character movement and object animations."
This maker deserves a section at least!!!
http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/

Response: Well, that is the most I have ever read in my life! My illiteracy made it so I had to wait 95 hours just to get past all those letters that make words! Anyway, there just isn't enough interest in that maker right now. Then you must be thinking inside your head "How can there be enough interest if no one knows about this maker that makes games like EAT CHICKEN 2: MASTER OF FRIED??" Simple! Now they do know. If we see it start to grow in interest, I'm sure we could get a section for it. After I looked at the sun for around 20 minutes, I finally got the image of this really long mailbag out of my head!

OH NOES I AET TEH BLUE PILL
"xxblack_adderxx" axes: i was wondering would it be possable to become one of us to become staff, say you had a contest, 'see who can make the best rpg with this amount of time'
or something.
()xxxx[:::::::::::::::::::::::>

Response: Well, we don't hire staff by how well they make games. Otherwise, guys like me would never have a job! If you want to be part of our HIGH QUALITY staff, it doesn't take too much effort, just skill and devotion. E-mail the BIG B BARTEK (that is his rapper name when he raps with the Canada rap group called "Want moneys, aye?") with a samples of your work, what you wanna do, and a basic resume'. The best guys will most likely get selected if we need someone in that department, and the rest of you will go jump into a big pink tire.

I like chicken if it's BBQ
"memphus" yells: How do I submit a game to Gaming World? I have it uploaded somewhere else that allows direct linking, but it doesn't tell me anywhere on the site how to submit it. I tried Project Hoster but that is down right now. There must be some way because you keep getting new games up
Response: E-mail a staffer with the link to your game, and hey will try to review it and then in the review, it will have the link. Otherwise, we are not a free-webspace provider, or a free advertisement for any game. Get a good demo or final version, send that e-mail, and just wait. Best I can do to help you there, besides reviewing it myself, which I can't do because RM2K went to court and got a restraining order from me, I must always remain 50bytes away.

Jag Jiggity Jag Jag
"Jag" say: Why do people want all the reward, without any of the work?
Response: That is how the world works. Ever since cave men stood around and drew boobies on cave walls, they wanted free wood without cutting any trees.

Black Mage, White Mage, Red Mage, FIRE MAGE
"Fire_Mage" plays pinball and the score board says: Here is an idea for RM2K!How about someone makes a game with all these different mini games in them?Like 20 mini games in one?
Response People have tried this before. It is a great idea, and I'm not sure if anything was ever completed. A fun thing that people were gonna try a while back was "RPGMAKER PARTY", where people from our site and such competed in various mini-games. I myself had a game like this where you assumed the role of a character who raised his strength by doing various tasks, such as EAT APPLES FAST, and other nonsense. It was fun, but I never finished it.

??????????????????????????????????
"Sully" ????? If I was to ask you a question with two question marks would it make it more high priority??
Response: Absolutely not, which is why it is at the bottom of this mailbag! I have no idea why people add more question marks, or exclaimation points. Really, do you REALLY think it does anything? Voodoo I say.

There it is, 10 responses. Sorry for the delay everyone, but here is why there was the delay:

First, it was SCHOOL TIME. I go there, don't do anything, and have exams Monday and Tuesday. Teacher says "KAZE YUOR TOO SMAERT TO FAILS MINE CLASS". Well, obviously I'm not >:( and you are wrong.

Then, here came my cool dude friend JULIO. He is cool dude, and had a pimped out Expedition! He has some 750 watt amp or something, and these two whatever nots, and anyway, his car stereo system is the shit! If you had eyes, it would shake them out of your head while you sipped on douche juice.

After that, I hung out with my friends and we did nothing but sit around and complain about how bored we were. Then I walked to the local drug store, buyed a soda, and RAN AWAY, but I went the wrong way.

My entire week has been too busy to steal towels, make fake price tags, and write mail bag! Sorry guy, but I am trying to get all this other stuff done too! Next week, I promise a better more fulfilling mailbag that will turn you into a monk and make you eat BEANO. Hope you enjoyed this mailbag, it was fun for me to write, and I love the questions!

By the way: I promise another mailbag by WENSDAY, or SOONER with 15+ responses, for real. :)