Gw Temp

Menu

Article - 'Mailbag Issue #005' by Kazeuri

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

Here is the crabs to eat you, slimey buns! I like it when that one guy shuts up, because that one guy is YOU and YOU talk too much!

Body

The 5th mailbag is the mailbag that I am writing right now! Since someone complained about my horrible grammars and spelling mistake, I am going to try and "NOT CARE", like I always have. My new "NOT CARE" plan is kind of like Medicare, you send me money, and if you need money, I send you money. If you do not ever need money, I keep all your money.

Anyway, time for some funnyness.

Since the green plant some people here know as Marijuana was "loosely legalized" in Canada, Bartek has not been coming online as much! Bartek Gniado, or as you know him "Bart, owner of Gaming World", has been just been SmokeyMcPot lately :O. We ask him "Where is Project Hoster", and all he does is say "Man, I'm so damn hungry. Anyone got some Ruffles?".

FUNNY STORY OF THE WEEK THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK:

All I do all day is download movies illegally! So, let's turn this into something fun with my ninja movie review of some movies I remember (I watched a lot, but don't remember or care about half of them)

1: Halloween (THE NEW ONE): This movie is all crappy! I wanted to watch it and it started out cool, but what is this?! This movie starts to get dull and the actors are worse than the movie. "OH HELO MICHAL MIERS PLES DOANT STAB MES I AM RELY JUST A 25 YER OLD PRETENDRING TO BES IN COLIEDGE / HI SCHOALS". The only good actor was Busta Rhymes.

2: Red Dragon (HANNIBAL SEQUAL BEFORE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, A PREQUEL): This movie is awesome! It has a cool plot, the creepy images for those of you with loose stomaches, the mind-games for the intelligent crowd, and the MURDER MYSTERY for those of you GUM SHOES. Great movie!

3: Bully (SEXOR TIEM): This movie could be a full-length porno it has so much nakedness and sexoring up (That or a Walmart)! Anyway, this movie is also good. It gots a bunch of people in it, and the plot is pretty twisty, but what I like most about it is the characters. They are just like people I know in real life! Finnaly, a movie about teenagers that is semi-correct. I was so sick of movies like: (Supposed Stoner Guy) "HEY GUYS I LIKES THE MARIJUANA WHOA COLERS ARE PRETRY HO HO HO" with lame incorrect drug references.

4: Jason X(THE NEW ONE): Don't watch this movie, a mailbox comes to life on a space ship, but it was really just a turd from outer-space. This movie sucked.

5: Barber Shop (WITH ICE CUBES): This movie is a "arm hearted" comedy, both black and white, and whatever other colors there are crowds can enjoy. I like the actors, and it feels very "familiar" throughout the whole movie. Highly recommended.

6: Frailty (GOD'S HAND KILLERS!): This is like the best movie of the year! It is a psychological thriller with everything else you could want, plus it just totally rocks with an original plot and everything.

7: Austin Powers 3 (THE NEW ONE, I SAY THAT A LOT): This movie was decent, but the funny was lacking. It is still a great movie, but because the first two were so great, it is hard to live up to them. I love the look and feel of these movies. My Penis is ze key!

8: That Pluto Nash Movie (I do not want to remember the name): this movie was crap! it was slightly funny, for about five counts of the clock. Some stuff is "supposed" to be funny, but even kids with downs-syndrome who are high like Bartek and will laugh at anything will never laugh at this shit movie. Avoid it.

9: The Master Of Disguise (ALERT ALERT! MY BRAIN IS MISSING!): Do not watch this movie. Do not rent it. Do not buy it. DO NOT GET PAID TO WATCH IT. I didn't even watch the second half, nothing in this shit hole movie was funny. All the jokes were MORON jokes, little kids *might* laugh, but only if they are forced to with a knife to the throat. I have never seen a worse movie. EVER. I can't shut up about how crappy this movie is. Not even the "Turtle, Turtle" crap is funny. If you laughed at this movie, DIE YOUS.

10: Men In Black 2 (THE ONE WITH THE FUNNY BLACK GUY THAT ISN'T IN THE WAYANS FAMILY): This movie is pretty good. It isn't very funny, or involving, it never excels in any one spot, BUT, it hangs on as a fairly decent movie. I don't "not like" this movie for any particular reason, it just has no strong points, or weak points for that matter. Decent.

NOW ON TO THE MAILBAG MY FRIENDS!

Actually...

After sifting through the death threats and junk mail, I realized there is nothing worth responding to. Haha, just kidding!


Hahaha
"Nudist Woman" gets all naked to: how big is your penis?
Response: Bigger than your whole town! Do not send me stuff like this please. It will be ignored. For "personal" questions that do not involve how perverted and old you are, contact me on AIM: TheWraithJoker

Put on your reading eyes
"IceSage" TYPES:Alright, here are some questions for ya....

1. How do I become a master at stealing Blue Towel from K-Mart? I mean.. It must take some hard work! Will you be my mentor?

2. If I write in again, and Ive already had my question responded to, can I write in again and have it posted again? Or is it a one time deal?

3. What does it take to become a part of the 1337 staff of Gaming World? I mean... do I have to stick around for 5 more years and become a regular around here or what? Or.. does it take a lot of good like Game, Tutorials, etc... and good devotion to Gaming World?

4. Is this the longest mailbag letter youve gotten.. and should I keep mine short next time?

5. When are the mySQL errors gonna be fixed so I can type characters so I can give you proper

Response: Since IceSage is like the biggest fan, and a totally cool dude, I will try to answer ALL of these! Thanks for the actual mail, by the way, it is rare!

1. Actually, I can't mentor you, but I am working on some comics illustrating just the technique. It is loosely titled "The Ninja Grab And The Fat Kid Run".

2. What? If it is the same question, I wont answer it twice! I don't look at user names though, so you could probably be the only guy writing in mail, and you would get responses to all of it. Picking mail is like trying to listen to a mute guy talk. I am so illiterate that it doesn't matter!

3. Submit a resume to BARTEK. He will be so stoned, you have a chance to get on staff!

4. This is long, very long. Infact, so long, I fell asleep while responding to it... ZzzZzZzzZz

5. The MySQL errors are the SCOURGE OF THE SEA. They are always making me change every mailbag into a different format, and it takes forever! If Bart doesn't fix this, I am going to have to make him into chopped Canadian stew, Hannibal style.

There is no Bard!
"SpoonyBard" TYPES: Honestly, mailbags these days. You use a script to get people to send you letters, a script to compile and post it. Back in my day people emailed us mailbag people our letters, and he had to edit the pages ourselves and upload them. Bah. *caneshake* Well that is enough rambling from a bitter ol fart like me :) Now, uh, I did not really have a question prepared, so... er, if according to the Matrix, there is no Spoon, then would that just make me -----yBard?
Response: Actually, it is hard for me. I get a list of the names, click it to see what they wrote, then my screen flashes "NORTIN ANTIVIROS DETECTS A TORJIN PLES QUERTEEN OR DELITE" and all this other stuff, then I smash my keyboard until a reply is in NOTEPAD. Sometimes I spellcheck, then I have to convert the format so it slips into the MySQL with no " or ' or other strange crap, then it is posted. Plus, I write all the HTML craps myself. No script, sonny.

Oldest Joke Since "OJ DID IT, NOT ME!"
"Socks" JOKES: Why did the chicken cross the road?!
Response: Well, your mom had to go to the store, I'll leave it up to you to guess what the chicken was doing with her. WOW MY JOKE IS FUNNY LAUGH LIKE I PUNCHED AN OLD LADY!

1987 YEAR OF THE HERO
"jumar1987" Smurfs: What do French people call french fries?
Response: They call them "I'll eat anything, even a Frog because I am French". Their whole Country smells like someone cracked one, and no, it was NOT the smell of Nationalism, Joan.

YES IT CLEANS UP BONG WATER STAINS!
"ANTOR_Knight" SELLS YOU: Why is Ryan's avatar the infamous Billy Mays (spelling) from that Orange Glo Commercial? Hope you guys have an answer because it is freaky!
Response: Yes it is ( I THINK! ) He also sells Oxyclean, and is an OXYMORON HAHA (okay, that joke sucked). Just a tip: Do not insert Orange Glo into ear, or any other opening in you for that matter.

Donglish SPIFFY
"theblakeman" TYPES: Could I get an Enlish to Donglish dictionary?
Response: You do not need one... Every word that is an adjective becomes "SPIFFY". Every noun becomes "YOUS", and every punctuation mark becomes "!!!!!!!!!!". YOUS SPIFFY MINE HOUSE ON SPIFFY YOUS SPIFFY MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sure, Don may "Suck the English Please", but he sure is one cool dude!

SLYFOX I AM
"Gamewolf252" Axes: Hmm... a few things for you, master towel stealer...
1) First of all, you do such a great job on these mailbags, that Im rewarding you with a lemon.
2) Hows GW Arena coming?
3) Lastly... I want the Truth! About Bart that is. We all know hes just a scary EAVIL man who sits at his computer all day with a bag of Doritos, watching over his GW Minions (or as the page says 'members') and making sure they do not anger him. Or else he will crush them with his little finger (should he so desire). To finish this scary rant up... WHAT ELSE ARE YOU PEOPLE HIDING?!?
-Thank you for your time

Response: Well, this is a scary letter for sure!
1. I am allergic to all fruit, water, and un-baked wheat products.
2. GW Arena will come when Bart is done with it. (I estimate in light years because it is not a real measurement)
3. Bart actually has BIG FINGERS, and he is like 12. We seen him on webcam with sweaty hair, he looks like Mario in kid form. Adult Link, kid link, Adult Mario, BARTEK. HAHAHAHAHA. Well, despite how he looks, "Acts surprisingly mature for how you look, Bartek".

We are hiding 17 dead bodies on this page alone!


I used an HR for a title, SCREW YOU BART

"Tince" Pronounces: How do you pronounce Kazeuri?
Response: To fully understand, shorten it to "Kaze". Then say it like "Maze" with a "K" instead of an "M". I think everyone knows how to say "URI". Like "FURY". Hope I helped you or something.

I like COFFEEEE
"RaptoWolf" gets paid -$0.3 per word: Ok, first off, this question has nothing to do with rpgs whatsoever. But it is still relevant none the less. Ok, so i work over at this place called cinnabon, some of you guys may have heard of it, some not, its a (cinnamon roll/coffee making place) and i have these two supervisors. One is a hypocrite and one is a phoney. The hypocrite tells me and my coworkers to do all the work when she does none and chats with customers for like 30 minutes at a time. The phoney is even worse, cause u can tell that underneath her nice and lazy personality, that she is just a bad person. I hate people like that. My question is... WHY MUST I ALWAYS GET BAD SUPERVISORS?!?!?! GRRRR!!!
Response: What I would do is tell the phoney that the other lady, they lady who doesn't do anything (Let's call them LadyNO for No Work, and LadyP for Phoney) was talking crap about her. Then watch a cat fight! Or, you could hit on one of them until they go out with you, just don't do it at work. "Can we drink coffe, with you as my date instead of my co-worker?" Her:"So when you put the moves on me it wont be sexual harassment?" Haha, unless they are old and fat. Then you need to RUN RUN RUN. I mean, never stop running. Go all the way to Canada, or THE NORTH POLE ALSO KNOWN AS SANTA'S HIDE OUT.


That is all for this issue! Sorry, but all the other mails I got were mostly crap! That means: SEND MORE MAIL SLAVES! I tried to get to all the interesting ones I could, and pretty much opened all of them, and even back-tracked. Hope you enjoyed this cake, I made it with the sweat from my brow, and the blood from my veins. Literally.

I'm out like President Bush come elections in '04!