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Article - 'An Interview with Bill Gates' by GaZZwa

An item about Miscellanious posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

Bill Gates. One company. One monopoly. $40,000,000,000. One interview.

Body

Please note: This is not a real interview with Bill Gates, it is entirely fiction.

Gareth Watts: Good evening everybody, I’m Gareth Watts and I have here with me tonight the richest man on the planet, Mr. Bill Gates.

Bill Gates: Hello, Gareth.

GW: Now, Bill, may I call you Bill?

BG: No you may not.

GW: Ok, Mr Gates it is. You’re a very notorious man in the world of computing. What do you think of this?

BG: Well, I did turn Microsoft into a Monopoly. I guess that was a tad unfair, and I apologise to all my competitors for screwing you over like that. But you gotta admit, it was genius.

GW: Not really…

BG: C’mon, like anybody’s going to buy anything but a Microsoft product.

GW: What about a Mac? The fact that Mac’s are actually good for graphic design is known as ‘Bill Gates’ Best Kept Secret.’

BG: Yes, I’m in negotiations for buying them out as we speak.

GW: So, is that all you do? Buy people out?

BG: Pretty much. Speaking of which, I’m very interested in purchasing the rights to your little community, Gaming World.

GW: Ah, I don’t actually own the site Mr Gates. You’ll have to go through with Bart for that to happen.

BG: I’ll fight him for it.



BG: Tyrone, get the mud pool. A good old fashioned mud wrestling match should settle things.

GW: …moving swiftly onwards then. You’re the richest man in the world. If that is, in fact, so, then why the hell have you got such a crappy haircut? You’d have thought a guy as wealthy as yourself would have been able to afford something better than a bowl job.

BG: That’s one of the secrets to my amazing wealth. By getting my sister to do my hair all the way through my life with a sink bowl, I’ve saved thousands of dollars on haircuts over the last 40 years.

GW: Genius. But then what about the thick glasses? Don’t they make you look like a geek?

BG: I’ve spend 99.9% of my life in front of a computer screen. I own the largest computer hardware and software corporation on the globe. Of course I’m a geek you asshole.

GW: And you’re proud of that?

BG: It’s 1337 to be geek.

GW: How the hell did you do that?

BG: Do what?

GW: You said ‘leet’ with numbers! That was bloody amazing!

BG: Meh, I do it all the time n00b.

GW: Oh my god you did it again!

BG: Wh00p33d00. It’s not that great.

GW: Unbelievable. Now before we go, there’s something very personal I’d like to ask you.

BG: Go ahead.

GW: What the hell is with Microsoft Flight Simulator? It is the most boring game in the world and you keep bringing out revamped versions every year. And it was believed to have caused the inspiration for the WTC attacks.

BG: Yes, Osama was very eager to sign the contract…Oh, uh, I mean. I’m a boring bastard and I love planes. The thought of taking off at Dulles Airport, landing at JFK, wow, just…wow!

GW: And the world hates you for it. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Bill Gates!

BG: Thankyou, thankyou. Now, where can I find the one you call Bart? Tyrone, let’s go buy him out…



-- GaZZwa