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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #008' by Kazeuri

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

If there was 1 penny made for every 1 idiot made, the world would be full of idiots.

Body

Redrum, run run run! What is this? Mailbag #008 you cheap dirty homeless old ladies! This mailbag is coming at a lull in Gaming World, and will hopefully "over-last" until certain things are done. Instead of my usual comedy act that fails horribly and leaves you in a coffin, i'll illustrate some things coming to GAMING WORLD. I use all of my inside information and then bring it to the public, LOVELY!

Membership Changes: All members will be dropped. We will now implement a new member system. It is called "GGZGW" to show that we are merging with GGZ. This user system pretty much just uses your same name and titles you as an artist. Also, you become staff by joining.

New Conduct Rules: We used to just warn people, and then steadily increase the punishment. That has changed. Now, Ryan, Me, Faust, and "NEW MEMBER OF THE WEEK" will moderate everything. If any of us feels, for any reason, like kicking you, you are just kicked. Bart is not allowed to question us or remove our bans.

Project Hoster: for the low cost of just $59.99, you could get two, or maybe three, screen shots of your game hosted. It also let's you choose the text color, black or blue. You can write what you want on your page.

Heroland Arena: This new arena feature will cost about $17 per month. Everyone who joins is not allowed to participate until they have paid for three months or more. The RPG is pretty cool. You look at a list of things to do, e-mail Bart what you want to do, and then he updates you character page "when he feels like it, jackass".

Gang Related: All staff members must get a life-long tattoo of the "Gaming World G", which is our new gangster mascot. He has a fun, and a knife, and a tattoo of a skull. He is totally bad ass, and even when you are an old man you could never get lonely, just look to the 15-20 inch tattoo and say "Whud up, G?".

Theme Of The Week: We pick a random theme of the week. It totally changes the site. One week we are Gaming World, then we are Peanut World, or Afro World, it just changes. When it changes, everything stays the same except the content. This should be added as soon as possible to prevent everyone from downloading all of our games and resources.

Hacker Control: Some guy "TOTIL_RM2K2K3_SK8R1986@AOL.com" e-mailed us and said "I HAF UR PASWURD", so we had to comply with him. He said he wants the page to flash colors, and for us to add certain gifs to the site. We are very afraid of this guy's e-mails. The site is pretty much at his mercy.

New Maker Support: We will now ONLY support the new makers. We are dropping all current makers. We will only support RM95, Super Dante, Dante RPGMaker, and PASCAL programmed games. We need to stay up on technology.

Member IQ Test: If your IQ falls below 260 United States Average (We know the test only goes up to 250, this was on purpose), then you may not become a member. If you still want to become a member, you must mail me a dollar.

Okay. These exciting changes are soon to come! I got them all straight from Bart, and you guys are the first to hear!

Now, let's get on to the MAIL!

Since this is the spooky almost Halloween issue (besides the RELEASED ON HALLOWEEN ISSUE, oops, I ruined the surprise!!), it will be done differently. I changed up the style some to make the mail easier to get to. If you enjoy it, or hate it, tell me.

Jumar1987 is so bored, he writes in: Bored. Bored. Bored. What do you do when you are bored?
A: Well, glad to see you are BORED you pound cake! Usually when I am bored, I like to take a load off and relax. You know, play a game like Castlevania, write a mailbag, have tons of hot steamy sex, whatever bites my fancy. Actually, when you are REALLY BORED, just search on the internet for weird crap. Computers are a never ending tool of knowledge, unless you eat some nachos, get your hand in the dip, and try to clean the screen. Man that sucks.

So, do you goons like the new layout? It is like the old one, but easier for me to write. It also cleans up some un-needed stuff.

LunC wrote this e-mail in SHAME: Maybe it's my browser, but when I tried to look through all the games you guys got all the pages except for the 1st one appear blank. I tried sorting the games by download count, and got nothing. Tried sorting every other way with same result. Just thought I'd mention it incase it needs fixing on your end. Great site! =)
A: Well, I just went there and it works! I viewed great games like "LUDE ADVENTURE" and "HOT SEX ISLAND 3". Honestly, it works. I suggest using the browser MOZILLA. It totally MO-ROXORS. Have fun doing whatever you do best.
Proof I went there

hobo tries to sleep on my couch, and when I woke up in the morning I found this note there in his place: i gots teh hardest question maen it so hard maen it take you 50 years to find out maen......ok teh question is........... wat 1+1 .......it so hard i no maen so hard maen and i gots another question why i so demented maen that si twety question maen so that is all maen
A: Man, don't sen me crap e-mails "maen". I mean, "teh question" is why you can't focus enough to write a decent e-mail. Really. I go take a drag off of a crack pipe and get shot in the face with a gun, and still write a better mail to myself. That's my secret though!

Angroth has to know: I looked at the users online menu only to find 17 guests and 1 member.

Whats the world coming to?
A: Well, it is coming to the 17. 17 is always the answer, but can never be the question. That is part of the reason why you can't ask what 17 means. So, where are the killers at in the crowd?! Actually, look now and we should have like 90 members and 1 guest. Some kind of bug maybe. Crap Halloween skin? I have no idea.

xxblack_adderxx typed this with his teeth: i was looking at your site and though i haven`t been a user for long ('bout 2-3 months or so) i have to say this site kicks fat ass! But i still wanted to know if you where going to get the ''get project hosted''

and GamingW arena up soon? if not then when will they be up i`ve been waiting for them since I got on.

but anyway keep up the good work.

()xxxxxxx[:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>

A: Awesome ASCII man! That must have took... 3 seconds? Lol, okay, sorry, I'm done cracking on you because you complimented the site! Anyway, this site does kick fat ass, and skinny ass, and little kid ass, even grandma must ass. Project Hoster will be done soon, and so will that "Adventurer Arena" like feature. Bart is just very slow. Do not be speculative though! The wait is worth it!

GaZZwa axes: Oh mystical Mailbag Maen. I have a question that has plagued mankind for decades. Why do Bert and Ernie sleep together? They're puppets...the very thought of it boggles the mind!
A: Well, I'll tell you. Bert and Ernie are real friends. They do not have to worry about homosexual bed attacks or anything. They are just friendly puppets with no genitalia. Not to mention, I'm sure you slept in the same bed with one of YOUR friends before. Then again... you weren't adult, living together, in pajamas, and having a beard... Okay, I retract that. Bert and Ernie were the pioneer homosexuals of America.

Skullfire's head was actually lit on fire because he sent me this death threat: Why didnt you put Ragnarok Online on your top games? heh, its still a beta, but still, its the most addicting game ever created.


Oh man! I hate that game! I think that pretty much sums it up. RPG have just not been to appealing lately. There is only so much a gamer can take guys! Ragnarok is no exception. It is all buggy and beta, and so slow to download from their server. In the end, I think I ended up craping around with PYTHON instead of playing this game. It could be great game and all, not my thing though.

Alpha becomes Beta when you shout this phrase: This might be kind of a stupid question, but how do I use the .xm files in the audio page in RM2K?

A: I think I said this in like the first mailbag. Winamp opens .xm . Import them like midi and they should work just fine. I prefer the nice MP3 ADDON though, it is pretty cool, just don't use shitty music.

Mana Beast really get's his power from this secret item: When was Gamingw started? It looks like two years to me, am I right?

A: GW is actually more around 3 years old (coming up on it VERY SOON). For the three year anniversary, you can be sure to see something cool... Like maybe a news post. I'm not sure what kind of celebration plans we have, but Bart is craptacular about things like that!

Justin takes 500 years to write this long e-mail: Right, I thought this would be a wonderful idea after I took into consideration that I have absolutely NO question I want answered about Gaming World, or anything concerning the site... but I'll make it interesting, no?



1. How many wives do I need to screw in a lightbulb? I'm interested in marrying a third, but I wish to know if the action would be worthwhile.



2. Is Bart a lego man now? He looks like a lego man. Tell me.



3. My friend doesn't like Ninjas. In fact, he plans to boycott Ninjas! I, on the other hand, and a supporter of various Ninjas in the community and, as a Ninja myself, am quite concerned about this. What should I do?



4. Do you think that the 9/11 incident, along with the Sniper that's running amok right now, are both ploys by the government to imposs more laws on the citizens of the US as well as imposs anti gun laws, that will result in a move toward Global Government? (BONUS QUESTION, 'cause you can answer this one seriously)




A: Well well! this is so many questions that I will answer them. Thanks for the effort and the DECENT MAIL!
1.) Wives are good, but use them for something better. Tell them go buy some bread sticks and build a bread stick home for the many children you are to have with them!
2.) He was once made of legos, but he had them removed in a surgery. Sadly the side-If effects are that he has lost ALL TRACK OF TIME. He says Project Hoster will be done tomorrow, and it takes 5+ years.
3.) Your friend sounds like a Taliban Homosexual. WHO DOESN'T LIKE NINJAS!? Anyway, he is crap. You are on the right track! If your friend hates up on Ninjas, like he is eating up a taco and says something dumb like "Man, Ninjas are not as cool as me or America", then just whip out the NINJA CHOP to his damn face like BAM! Also, GI Joe is the American Hero, but he never killed a Cobra ever. Cobras fucking rock.
4.) I hate the government. Somehow, I think so. My tip to the world is to move out of the United States. Who else could spawn AOL and N*SYNC? Obviously not Canada!


telboy007 itches my 17 nerve:Do you kill these people in different ways, do you have a set of 17 different ways to kill people every 17 nights? Do you spend those 17 nights thinking up another 17 different ways of killing people? what happens when you run out of ways of killing people? why are you killing people? do any demos out there contain an airship cbs? is my demo (if I ever finish it) the only one?!? ta. :) the british rule.
A: WELL WELL WELL BUCKO! It takes me 17 hours to write a mailbag. Really. I summon a dark portal, and 17 hours later I can write. Anyway, since I do not care about your questions, here are some FUN 17 FACTS to finish up this mailbag!!!
(By the way, I stole these, and revised them, from this site: 17 Much credit to them!
The cave of Lascaux, painted 17,000 years ago, was discovered by Marcel David, 17 years old.

The mummy of King Tutankhamen was wrapped in 17 sheets.
What they do not say is that his tomb has 17 steps, he was 17 when he died, and he was discovered in a year which adds to 17.
The 17th book is the shortest. Someone has spent 17 years looking for the exact middle point of the Bible. It is the psalm 117 which is the shortest. The longest one is the psalm 119 (divisible by 17).
In the bible, the Flood started on the 17th. Noah's Ark landed on the Mount Ararat (alt. 17,000 feet) on the 17th.
The Italians fear the 17's, because 17 is written XVII in Roman numerals, which is the anagram of VIXI, which means "I lived", i.e. "I am dead". In Italy, buildings do not have a 17th floor, hotels do not have a room 17, and Alitalia planes do not have a seat 17 [neither do Air Inter planes and British Airways Concordes]. When Renault marketed its R17 and wanted to export it to Italy, it had to be renamed "Renault 177". Napoleon Bonaparte, who was more Italian than French in his education, refused to give the signal for his coup on "vendredi 17 brumaire" and postponed it until the following day.
Pluto is the only planet out of the ecliptic plane. Its orbit is inclined of 17°. The last mission to the Moon was on Apollo 17 in 1972 (17×116). The period of revolution of Callisto, discovered in the 17th century by Galileo, around Jupiter is 17 days.
Pearl Harbor was attacked by 17 Japanese squadrons. When the USS Arizona sunk, 1117 members of its crew died, and 334 survived.
The first atomic bomb, prepared by 1700 people, was dropped onto Hiroshima 17 seconds late (France 2 news on August 6, 1995, at 8 pm).
Gandhi was assassinated on January 30, 1948, at 17:17.
Anyway, this could drag on forever. Let's see some 17 I found in RECENT NEWS!!!

The main "sniper son" like figure is 17 years of age.

Someone is trying to circumnavigate the world... I took this from a news post on CNN.com, can you count the amount of times 1 and 7 appear together?
"PlayStation now needs to average 17 knots to break the record, well within the giant catamarans capability, but not without favourable winds.
"I remember so well a couple months ago Orange (skippered by Bruno Peyron) ran out of wind only just short of the finish line.
"If the new Low arrives, we'll be fine -- if it doesn't, we're not going to get this record back this time," Fossett said.
He had held the record for the 1,796-mile course since 1994.
Fossett and his 14 crew have averaged 15.56 knots on the 1,787-mile course since the start, leaving a target speed of 17.05 knots for the remaining 300 miles to break the record in the early hours of Friday morning.
British yachtswoman Tracy Edwards broke Fossett's 1994 record on board Maiden 2 by over 24 hours six weeks ago setting a new target of 4 days, 17 hours, 4 minutes and 23 seconds.
"

WOW, AMAZING!!! That is a ton! I never seen that much 17 recently! Here is a link to the article you squid! HERE

On the 17th of SEPTEMBER, 17 people died because of fireworks in India. STRANGE!

I am on a roll here, CNN is just listing 17's by the millions! Since I do not have time for all of these, I employ you guys to find USEFUL 17's! The person who mails in the most AMAZING 17 in recent times, or even ancient times, will get a prize of some sort, like a nacho. Anyway, do this to see the POWER of 17 as you search for them in history. As I said, 17 is always the answer, but never the question. That is the reason I cannot ask what 17 means.

I'm out like 7 bodies after 10 hatchet chops!