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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #010' by Faust

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

Faust fills in for Kazeuri when he's out of town! OH THE HILARITY!

Body

HELLO MISERABLE PEASANTS!



Kazeuri is off for a little while on an armaggedon quest or something, so I'm muscling in on his territory while he's away. How'dya like those apples sirrah?



Hmm funny article? Bugger that crap. I'll just explain some GW SLANG and where it came from hehe.



Most GW slang is adapted from SA and, to a lesser extent, Pokey the penguin (yay!). We are such dirty rotten thieves. The SA jokes wont be included, but stay tuned for:



whahay!: The original word was "wahay" and invented by 'irok. I stole it, added a h, and claimed credit. I am the man!

FOGET: One day bart saw a picture of the guy from Blue's Adventures and said "OMG! That guy looks like foget!". Seriously, just out of the blue. It isn't a reference to homosexuality hehe, just the name of a poor, demented, freak

NO: Py and DP both claim to have invented this. It's basically a horrible way of saying "You are wrong". Kind of like a mix between "f*** you" and "YOU ARE BANNED".

BLAK HELICOPTOR: ExploreRPG's paranoia about Microsoft led Hiretsukan on another campaign against him, this time involving a CONSPIRACY and BLACK HELICOPTORS. The image was very amusing. Go to Hiretsukan's forum for more comedy gold!

Databases OF THE FUTURE: Yet again, another mockery of ExploreRPG by Hiretsukan. Explore sets a lot of score by Databases and POWER BASIC. It has POWER!!!!

BARTMOBILE: The Bartmobile is the car that Py, DP, I and Bart drive around in looking for people to run over. Froz was the last victim :D!

Emoticons with excessive punctuation: I am a lamer and brought such crap like ":O!??!?!?" to GW. I deserve painful death, but what're you gonna do? Eh?

GO YOU: Our resident Comedy Gold Machine, DrFunk/y brought us many a slogan with his funny images. "GO YOU" is the best amongst them and deserves SPECIAL RECOGNITION!

ROOFLES: Kaze's perversion of the acronym "Rolling on the floor laughing".

ROXORS: I went through a stage of adding "zor" to everything, trying to mimic Grom's "ness". Roxor was born of it, but on retrospect I probably stole it from somewhere else.

HELLO! I AM JESUS!: Comments by myself which have earned a lot of negative remarks towards me. This makes me sad ;_;

FURY!: This word, adapted by myself, basically replaces the ">:O" emoticon in my speech. Sometimes I use the both for DOUBLE FURY! Originall from FF9 (The pluto knight who shouts "FURY!" then "...my fury is all spent".

Kniv: My arch enemies, the Kniv gang, wield these weapons in an attempt to end my life. It's probably a typo of knife, but screw asking them. They're too scary!

HELLO GOOD SIR: Samuraise and I went through a period of making as much nuisance as we could on stratics. Hello good sir, the perfectly polite lamer-esque greeting, was born of this! HELLO GOOD SIR! (Sirrah was also a part, but was adapted from Marlowe's "Doctor Faustus")

Cheesepig/God: Bart likes cheese. The less said, the better ;_;



That's all I can think of currently. COMEDY GOLD eh? :D. I may write a GW Dictionary in future, but no one would read it and I would be fired for disgracing the site in such a way ;_;. Anyway: ON TO THE MAIL BAG SACK MACHINE!



Black Jack and the Slot Machine

Chickens freaks me out with: So who's better? Domokin or Kogepan?

Faust: The hell are they? Porn stars or something? Welll...domokin sounds classier, but Kogepan probably has a bigger wang. I'm not too good at recommending porn though, so I suggest you try asking DP or something.



Hobos in the mists

Donmiguel demands an answer to:Why is Morriason taking so long on the Resources? Why won't that lazy bum work harder?

Faust: Well, Moriason does have a hectic life, what with all the wife swapping parties and boozehound clubs. He's done pretty well despite all this though, so stay tuned for the resources returning VERY shortly!



Mr Perception!

squarestanvel is shocked by: Ryan fired, wuts? Why? I want MCDONALDS!!!

Faust: McDonalds pretty much sucks man. I eat it because I honestly like eating sloppy shit, but you can do better! We keep a tight ship here or something >:o! Anyway; yes Ryan is fired. It's a shame but what're you gonna do? Well...laugh of course XD



Communism is the true path

Stalin rises from the dead to request: Yo Kazeuri! Let us spread the joy of COMMUNISM together, alongside Bart and rapty!

Faust: HELLO STALIN! I'm not invited to your communist bonanza? That's a shame...I mean GOOD. Dirty lefty bastard >:o!! ;_;. Communism is all well and good, but how can I be better than people and show off to them if we're all equal? Up with the bourgeoisie OI OI OI!



Grammartime (Can't touch dis)

squarestanvel points out: hey, when you send a message to the mailbag, it appears some thanks stuff. it says that it might be posted in the next mailbag. theres a grammar error. it says "mayb"instead of maybe

Faust: YOU ARE PERCEPTIVE! I've noticed this for a while but can't be bothered to bring it up to Bart. Hopefully he'll read this and realise his HORRIBLE MISTAKE, thus ending his own life and leaving GW in my hands. You will all be transported to siberia to work in my Comedy Gold Mines, a life you will all love to lead! Whahay! PS: Check the grammar of your mailbag submission sirrah; it leaves much to be desired XD



Agony Aunt

Mr.Chubbles cries along to: My sister will not leave me alone! What do I do?

Faust: Wtf? YOU ARE STRONGSAD! Do I look like some kind of agony aunt? The hell? CHUBBLES? Jeez...no wonder she wont leave you alone. I bet she's all like "Hahaha chub chub" and shit. Well if you DO want her to stop then I suggest either burning all her things, hitting her in the face or, my personal favourite, plan C. Plan C involves getting a naked photo of her and threatening to put it on the internet/school board. Or do it anyway, I'm sure she's hot and we'd love to see her! hahaha later "chub chub".



Bartek the MIGHTY

Eversoft furies: Why is the mailbag not directed by BARTEK the mighty? I like BARTEK.

Faust: Bart is too nice to be mean and insult people (I'm not, HAHAH CHUB CHUB!!), and doesn't like speaking to anyone that isn't his monitor and coding fun. I tried to speak to him yesterday and he flipped out and threatened to rape my family. Then he hit me until I ran away ;_;. BEHOLD! THE WONDER OF BARTEK! Well...either that or he's too busy working on GW to do mailbag. I prefer the first answer though!



NO!

Bimbo makes me cry with:How do I send in questions for the mailbag?

Faust: The fuck!?! You just sent one in! THIS MAKES ME ANGRY! You win the lamest poster prize for this mailbag. GO YOU!



Bartek the HATEFUL

Bart shows his true colours with: I hate you all

Faust: SEE?! DO YOU SEE! This is what I was talking about with my answer to eversoft's question!! PROOF! ;_;. Either that or somone is posing as Bart. Why would he say such cruel things!? ;-;!





Longtastic!

Icesage spends a year typing: Hey Kazeuri, It is me, your #1 Mailbag fan! Anywho, why is it that all these people write in pure crap into the mailbag? Is it because they are trying to be funny? Is it because they are trying to set you up for a good laugh? Another thing, why do people always add "your not gonna add this to the mailbag anyway..." at the end of each submission? Are they trying to give you some sort of sympathy to increase their chances of getting their submission in? Why Kaze, why? And really, why am I the only one who writes decent letters in to the mailbag? Because I dont try to be funny 24/7? Huh Kaze? Is that it!? AND WHY THE HELL DO I WRITE SUCH LONG LETTERS KAZE!? HUH, WHY KAZE!? WHY!? TELL ME KAZE, NOW!!! BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLO.... *boom* (Too late, my head exploded, damn its hard to type when you cant see, or have a brain thats intact, heh, pretty good grammar and spelling for someone who just had their head explode... maybe I should stop typing now and go to a doctor... are you gonna edit this cause its so long.. ah crap, im losing blood..)

Faust: Stop calling me kazeuri >:o!!! Yes, people do send in a lot of crap to mailbag. DIE DrFUNKY!!!! People who try to get sympathy are lamers, I mean I'm the one who does all the work/gets all the insults/has no life, don't I deserve any sympathy? ;_;. HO HO A FUNNY JOKE! You feel sympathy for me and die; I am BEYOND Your sympathy >:o. Me > Yuo. WHAHAY!?!?!



Oh Excretement!

Cereal Hunter makes ME cry with: Poo poo! Yes, i like to poo poo! Well, I'd rather poo poo POO, but since my mommy won't let me do the big 3 (it would wreck the computer) i'll have to stick with TWOOO POOOOS instead. Lol. E. Pop. (Poop). I wrote this because I want to be a new style of newbie. Lol!

Faust: You wanted to mimic a newbie? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! GO YOU! Never write in again >:o.



What a great fun mailbag this week! hopefully kaze'll return soon ;_;. Whatever, I'm just the stand in roofles.



VOTE FAUST FOR MAILBAG..GER..PERSON...YES!