Gw Temp


Article - 'Mailbag Issue #013' by Faust

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 9, 2003


Faust takes the mailbag on a spin through memory lane!


Is it time for another Faust mailbag? Why yes! Yes it is!

Right, so I need some kind of funny, yet utterly stupid, article for the first bit. Well, what would be more in Faust style than just looking back at OLD mailbags and mimicking the stories from them? Whahay!! I will hopefully use this research campaign to make sure Kaze goes to prison and leaves us forever. I'd fire him now and also slap him, but Bart has this love thing going on with him ;_;.

...Anyway, on to the CRIME!

Mailbag 1: The one without a punchline

This first mailbag doesn't have a punchline, proving that Kazeuri's mailbags are inferior to mine. How does it? Well I have a few good reasons but I don't want to tell you. That's it...

Mailbag 2: The one with the faulty morals

Ok, so Kaze gets booked (70's slang! whahay!) for theft and insulting a guard. Well actually he gets away with his crime ;_;. What kind of world IS this? Kaze should be institutionalised FOREVER >:O!!!

Mailbag 3: The one with the baked goods!

Another theft by kaze, this time involving TACOS! Is he some kind of filthy mexican taco thief or something? This antic degrades the entire site and sets a bad example for our younger readers. We all hate you Kaze, go and die again >:o!

Mailbag 4: The one with the Billy the Bully

The story in this mailbag made me so sad I don't think I'll comment on it ;_;. Kaze VICTIMISES some poor special ed child... ;_;!!!

Mailbag 5: The one with the list of movies

Kaze comments on 10 movies in this list, all of which he downloaded ILLEGALLY! Oh kaze, why must you rip off the poor movie...makie...guys? Actually, considering that I do as much, if not more, warezing than Kaze, I think I'll let this one drop. But he's STILL bad kids >:o!! Don't let him fool you with his "movies" and "reviews".

Mailbag 6: The one with the tasteful joke

This was the classiest mailbag to date! No crime (unless streaking is a crime. If so, THROW AWAY THE KEY GOVENER!!), no hurting people (except old ladies) and no mocking minority groups (except streakers and old ladies). This mailbag was created by ME. Notice the superior status over Kaze's creations of HATE AND EVIL? Damn right!

Mailbag 7: The one with the Gaming bonanza!

Ok, not much I can say about this one. He gets the number wrong and also says he loves FF7 (My favourite Final Fantasy ;_;), so I can't really slag him over that. Lets pretend that he insulted disabled people or something. That guy and his hate crimes >:O!!!! Someone spammed the "no" comment on "do you recommend this article" though, so it got like 80% disapproval rating. Whahay! ONE IN THE EYE FOR THAT KAZE BASTAGE!!!!

Mailbag 8: The one with the communist changes!

Ok, not really communist, but damn scary either way. Kaze makes a list of changes that will be "coming soon" to GW, including gang related warfare and a LOT of money going into kaze's bank account. Thankfully none of them were implemented, except for the "Ryan kicking random people for no reason, being a fuhrer and not being questioned" one, which was pretty damn eerie on retrospect. Kaze is PSYCHIC!?!

Mailbag 9: The one with the Old lady bashing!

Ok, so Kaze teaches us how to attack old ladies, Chinamen and Jesus in this article. I am offended on the last count (not because I'm religious, but because I am actually Jesus. Ask anyone in IRC and they'll tell you the same. Well, except for Samuraise, who also professes to be Jesus. It's obvious that he's lying though, lousy fake Jesus wannabe >:o!) Where was I? Oh yeah, more hate crimes and also the first mailbag with PHOTOGRAPHS or pictures. I don't know, but they're pretty damn good quality. I'd say photos.

Mailbag 10: The one with the dictionary

A classy article of GW speak, helping to endow our learnéd knowledge onto new users. Well hopefully anyway. VERY classy (by ME!!!). Kaze went out on the town to smash shit up and left me to do this, which is a GOOD thing I guess. Kaze, you have to learn when crimes are acceptable (when they benefit me) and when they are not (any other time), otherwise you are fired and arrested >:o.

Mailbag 11: The one with the racial attack

Kaze attacked me first thing in this article. I don't believe it was because I filled in for him; on the contrary, it was because of my race. I'm Anglo-Irish or some shit, and kaze is...actually I have no damn clue. Some kind of caucasian, but probably half hellspawn or some shit. Whatever, either way it was RACE RELATED so I urge all my Irish brethren (that includes you if you've ever drunk a pint of guinness, worn green, been to Ireland or spoken to an Irish person. Whahay! It's as easy as joining the Ireland football team! Yeah that's right, FOOTBALL you american swines, not Soccer like you call it >:o!). So condemn him or something. He also mocks games in this mailbag, but I was too caught up in the Irish hate to read it!!

Mailbag 12: The one with the magic cards

Ok, more FAUST BASHING! Kazeuri creates some cards, like pokémon, in this article. DP ASS PIRATE and FAUST THE GAY are included, with "Faust the gay" using the deformed edited old picture of me. I still look pretty hot in it, but that's not the point. It scars my beautiful face and was a CREATION OF DP, my arch-nemesis >:o! Notice the Kaze card's mimic attack. Eh? EH? Proves he steals MY Comedy gold, not the other way around!!!

Ok, this list may have seemed very bitter and full of kaze hate due to the fact that everyone (aside from myself and people I force to say otherwise) says that Kaze's mailbags are better. Screw you ;_;. This is only PARTLY true. I really love Kaze and shit, but his crimes MUST END! If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the PROBLEM ok? Or something. ;_;.

On to the letters:

Japanese fangirl love
theblakeman asks in a voice oozing with charm: Am I the only one who thinks Mizuki-chan is the prettiest person to come here? I don't want to sound like a hormonal driven idiot, but I thinkshe's a very pretty person and thank you for having her picture in the picture section!
A:Prettier than ME? ;_;!!! Yes, Mizuki is a very beautiful girl and we're all very fond of her. She comes by IRC a lot, so if you want to see her swing by. RG, Kaostenshi and the other female members are also there as women love to chat and shit I think. Kaos will probably hit me with her hammer for that last remark, but thankfully she HATES KAZE and so will never read a mailbag! Whahay! Mizuki for president or something!

Ryan strikes again!
mr bigglestaff warns us all: I am scared - I just looked in the staff. And saw Ryan as one??? I thought he went all psycho and said that "Faustsucksdick"?? (no offense). IT'S EVIL I TELL YOU!!
A: A simple answer to a simple question: Ryan is totally gone. FOREVER. Bart is just lazy foget and wont update the staff page until the "future changes" I keep referring to. CLASSY! Aside from Ryan's bashing of Bart over AIM, sending him emails saying "You are fatty haha" and other assorted pranks, Ryan is just a memory. HERE IS SOME NEWS RYAN: BART KNOWS HE IS FATTY, AND HE'S PROUD OF IT!!!

A universe full of faust related fun!
Angroth praises the GW staff (including himself) with: Gaming World has grown so large since I joined (and I didn't join early). So I think if we get many more members, GW should just as well be called Gaming Universe!
A: Whahay Angroth! Yes, we have grown a lot and are now the largest community site by a LONG way. We're also the hub, even though the others wont admit it. NUTS TO THEM XD. But yeah, we roxor. PS: Do some work Angroth, being nice to us does not compensate for no articles. You have to do 10 a day so that I can sit back and eat grapes ;_;. If you do less it means that I have to work. You selfish bastage >:o

Threats for Faust!
Minstrel Knight doesn't like being touched: If you shake my had than ill cut your fingers...
A: I honestly have no way of answering this. Kaze would make a funny comment and mock you for misspelling the word "hand". Why WOULD I shake your hand sirrah? I probably smell a lot and have diseases, plus you're very threatening, so how about a big fat NO. There, that'll do the trick.

Everdude02 insults all that I hold dear with: Why must Faust keep saying Whahay!? It's driving me crazy! WHAHAY! WHAHAY! WHAHAY! STTOOOP THE MADNESSSS!!!!!!!111 Don't tell him I said it, because that's breaking the Gaming World Word Agreement document. Make him stop, though. Really. Whahay!
A: It is my catchphrase. Go and tell Bugs Bunny to stop saying "Whats up doc" or some shit. Actually I don't think Bugs says it any more as the last cartoon to be made starring him was the 50's or some shit. Whatever, the point still stands. DP watches Hentai, Kaze steals towels, Py eats Pretzels, I say Whahay. It is a fact of LIFE.

I am the light!
Psi commits a HATE CRIME: Help! I was attacked by Jeserus the other day! I forgot to get the police to search his mrijuana van and now I'm in jail for attacking him! What should I do? And why do army boys keep dropping the soap in the shower?
A: Ok, do NOT get the police to search man van. It is full of ORGIES, not weed (screw that "hard word" stuff). What should you do? ROT IN JAIL my friend, rot in jail. Or pray to me (Jesus), and SURE as hell I'll answer XD. Answer with MORE JAIL TIME. Soap in the shower? I think you should be more worried about that, being in JAIL and all haha. Later prag XD!

Pissy little thing
theluggage grosses me out with: In case anyone cares:Dogfish piss through their skin. Yet another interesting fact from the luggage!(Well, if I'd ever given one before it would be...)
A: Weewee through their skin? The HELL? Fish pee in the sea? ;_; that is the LAST time I go for a swim like EVER. I'm up for a purge of the ocean and the eradication of all sea life in that case >:o. Please theluggage, write in with more abominations so that I might crush them all in the name of Allah! FURY!!!

Ninjas are CRIMINALS!!
Senior Behemoth makes me pray for his soul with: I was trying to show my ninja skills by stealing a towel from Zellers(The closest thing to a K-Mart in my area) only to my suprise, they had magical anti-ninja beeping barrier!I tried to turn invisible and throw a smoke bomb down, but, to my dismay it didn't work! Mistar Kaze, please show me the ways of the NINJA 8-)))))
A: I hate to sound like "The Man", but Ninjas are scum. They flip out and kill shit without thinking, steal towels and are generally a menace to society. This proves my point exactly in the fact that Kaze is perverting your young minds with his illegal banter ;_;. Please kiddies, don't listen to him! Listen to me (Jesus)! Go to church, do your homework and send me a dollar. No...two dollars. Ok? (Two dollars each would be 10,000 dollars. That's like £1000 in English monies :D:D:D)

Homoerotic nipple play!!!!
Memphus gets kinky with: Why do men have nipples?
A: Boy-o, I could give you a million and one reasons, but as this is a PG-13 site or some shit (or at least sexwise. Well, actually Alex and I spam up the forums and IRC a treat with public cyber-orgies, so this is probably hypocritical) I can't say. Well, I could actually but Bart would get pissy about me talking about HOMOEROTIC NIPPLE PLAY in the mailbag ;_;. Mmm...homoerotic nipple play.

OnionKnight's family is in ruins: My dad has gone crazy!
A: And your MOTHER has gone BETA! BETA start swallowing! HAHAHA! ExploreRPG's jokes are so classy, honestly. I've been waiting a while to slide that into a conversation, so thanks for that! XD. Your father has gone crazy? Well fuck him up then, with a HAMMER if necessary. Crazy parents = NO

Hyper.Sonic comes out of the closet: i feel sooooo gay today!!
A: ME TOO! As I don't believe Hyper.sonic really said this, I assume it was one of his lamer turd friends. Hyper: Change your password so they can't get access dude :/, otherwise they're going to keep DEFACING STUFF in your name! Whahay! Defacementaryrelatedfun!

Ok, that was a big great funny happy mailbag. In actual fact, I love kaze and want him to stay forever ;_;. I am just jealous that you like his articles more than mine...bastages. FURY!!!