Gw Temp


Article - 'Mailbag Issue #016' by Faust

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 9, 2003


Another Christmas-esque mailbag featuring the A-Team, Dead sea captains and festive foreign carols!


Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way! Oh what mom it is to ride on a's..sunday? I forget how it goes but whatever. Yes! The Christmas season is upon us, with many a HO HO HO to be heard.

Thankfully, the Christmas topic gives me a wide range of opportunities to create comedy gold! I resolved to try the usual blasphemous edge curbed with a bit of Christmas cheer.

Have you ever wondered how the celebrate Christmas in Japan? How about Korea or even such far away places as France? I decided to look up famous Christmas carols and translate them into these languages in order to better understand their culture. Then I decided to translate them back using AltaVista for COMEDY GOLD!!! Here we go:

Away in a Manger in Japanese

With the Manger, the lintel bucket for the bed the yes * Christ small main thing did not put in place the that sweet head. Being the place where he puts, the small main thing where the star of the bright sky sleeps with the yes * Christ hay you saw. As for the cow the lowing, as for the baby, the main becoming aware which yes * Christ no is small makes, him, you shout. I love the thee namely yes * Christ main thing! The stay from the sky at first glance, with with my side to morning is the nigh. Being main in my yes * Christ's vicinity, please am, I ask the thee in order to be restricted. You close permanently with me, me pray me do dearly. Praise valuable child everyone of the Thy soft worry. And the thee over there because of a certain keep accompanying those, to the heaven.

comment: ok, what the HELL? Christ small main thing!? Hmm…those crazy japs! I assume that this is the description of a new anime series or something, showing that people in Japan really love anime about Christmas! Case solved Sherlock!

Silent Night in FRENCH

The quiet night, harms holy, all is calm, all is virgin mother and child of luminous yon round. So tender and soft holy infant, sleep in marvellous peace. Sleep in marvellous peace. The quiet night, harms holy, shepherds tremble with the sight, glories run sky far, of the host centres of Heavely sing the alleluia; Christ the saver, is born! Christ the saver, is born! The quiet night, the holy night, sons of God, liked the pure light radiant beams holy face thy, with the paddle of the grace of repurchase, Jesus, lord, with the birth thy. Jesus, lord, with the birth thy.

Comment: Ahh, French is such a beautiful language! Those crazy Europeans and their foreign muck, ho ho ho!

So there we have it. Two excellent carols in various foreign languages.

Now onto some MAIL!

I ain’t goin’ in no plane FOO’

Spawn does his best impression with: Why is mr T. so damn cool? BTW I pity tha foo'

A: MrT is indeed very VERY cool! I remember one episode where the A-Team had to stop this father from drinking so he could look after his son and shit. Ahhh...the A-Team, such a merry band of vigilantees. They solve crimes like UNDERAGE DRINKING and TRUANCY! MrT is also like the REAL version of Barret. I think Square was all "haha, we put black man in game haha, let us look to US culture for idea! Oh, there is black man named MrT! We model character on him hah! We make fortune!". BARRET IS BORN!

I am on STRIKE

GaZZwa openly flounts my authority with: Why haven't I done any work in rather a long time? Riddle me that LG....riddle me that!

A: A better question is WHY HAVEN'T I FIRED YOUR ASS?!?! Seriously GaZZ, do some bloody work! And don't send in comments to mailbag that openly show my lack of respect amongst the staff! I have an image to uphold ;_;!!! *cries*

Kaze aint here no mo'

silvaduro insults my reason for being alive with: Personally, I'm wondering what the point is to the Mailbag. I'm also wondering why Kaze aint there, but you told us. I'm wondering what IRC stands for. I'm wondering why I'm wonmdering about useless stuff. Hey, I got my answer. I think. Internet Relay Chat. Wow. Hey, how come you complain about the size of some mailbags when this box is so bloddy (yah, bloddy) big and I have to fill it all up. Stop saying yo. It gets annoying. Start saying "Oy" or something interesting and... well... DIFFERENT. Ha. I managed to do all these rhetorical questions with no question marks. ANd you thought I had bad grammar.

A: Here we go:

1) Point of mailbag: To show GWers views on events and so forth. It isn't MY fault they keep sending in SHIT ;_;

2) Kaze died. He choked to death on his own RAGE ;_;. I heard he's going to raise from the dead to do something special soon though XD

3) IRC is internet relay chat! YOU ARE SMARTEY

4) The FUCK is a bloddy?

5) Yo is my word. Please don't mock my heritage of YO >:o! Oy is SO COUNCIL!! XD

6) Yes, you DO have bad grammar ;_;!

And the Grinch's heart was EMBIGGENED or some shit

Avatar expresses an EXTREME change attitude with: FAUST IS SO HOT!!! The channel must know, what makes him tick? Does he have a special someone? What is his favorite candy? Faust's mailbags are infinitely better than Kaze's. Long live Faust!

A: Ok...avvy, you're being weird today. I WILL answer your questions though, despite the FEAR you have put into my heart. Yes, I am hot, thanks! What makes me tick? hehe ^_^. Do I have a special somone? Well actually I do! Some of you know who he is hehehe ^_^, especially after a recent accidental pasting incident in IRC XDD. OOPS *waves to Ethan!!*. Candy? I HATE FUN >:O! Seriously: anything really sour. I love the kind of shit that makes you pull faces due to its sheer soury..ness! My mailbags are better? Awww, so kind. Kaze will be back soon though to pick up where he left off though, so stay tuned!

Count Funkula! Blah Blah!

DrFunk is up to his old tricks with: HEY FAUST! Since I got I the mail bag, can i be in deh staff now plz?

A: A big bowl of NEVER to that FunK! Sorry mano, but everyone wants you banned ;_;. I and a few others are defending your HONOUR by acting as human shields versus the HATE, but making you staff would INCREASE THEIR AMMO ;_;. Also, the hell would you do? Admin in charge of COMEDY GOLD? Mod of the JOKE FORUM? XDD!!! Hehe, you are a class act sirrah but NO STAFF FOR YOU! ;_;!

MOM tarts >:o

blue_moogle inquires into my private life with: What is your favourite poptart flavor? All you commenting say yours too!

A: Hmmm...probably apple. The others taste like SHIT. Apple does a bit too, but not as much! Also it is cheaper as no one really likes apple ;_;!!!

Nuts to You Faust!

steelpaladine suggests that I bring it on myself with: Um know how to stop people from calling you a girl? Get rid of your pics! (ie: Faustastic pics) That way, N00Bs won't ask.

A: My photos are up so people can comment on my beauty, not MOCK ME! XD! Also: I don't look like a fucking girl. I have effeminate qualities, but androgyny is the true form of beauty ;_;!! Or some shit. Anyway: you had a good idea, but my "ban everyone who comments" idea is EVEN BETTER!!

Yargh matey!

Captain Ahabs Ghost asks my whaling advice with: Damn that Moby Dick! Damn it to hell that white whale! If I ever get a second chance at life, what do you suggest I do to catch thy white whale!? I mean, it bit off my friggin leg! Bloody hell!

A: It only bit off your bloody leg because you were trying to fuck with it. Seriously, take a walk man. If you REALLY want to kill it then I suggest dousing your other leg in arsenic and THEN trying to kill it. Yo! I leave you with a song from Futurama: "We're whalers of the moon, and we carry a harpoon, dadlalala" I forget the rest :/

Hooray! And thus ends the mailbag! I would do more but I have to save some for Kaze ho ho ho! Have a merry Christmas everyone, and the next mailbag will probably be in 2003 :o!!!