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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #021' by lithium

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 9, 2003

Blurb

Read or die. A very simple concept.

Body

I hate you. That is right. I hate you and only you on a very personal level. I hope you remember this. I've always hated you. So, when I do mailbags, don't be afriad when in the middle of my sentences I go I HATE YOU STUPID WHORE, ok? As long as we understand each other.

As we draw closer to wartime (between the US and/or a US-led coalition against Iraq), we can learn serveral things. WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS MUST YOU ASK? Well, if you have to ask I don't think I should tell you. Ok, I will tell you. Only because you asked SO NICELY. Now, the following things may have NOTHING AT ALL with any war with anyone but I thought I'd use this neatly written paragraph to FOOL YOU INTO reading further. You do want to read further, correct? THAT IS RIGHT BITCH.

THINGS THAT WE LEARN FROM WARTIME



Thing We Learn #1: HOW MUCH THE FRENCH FUCKING SUCK.

All through history, maybe starting with the fact that it is almost twice the size of Colorado (which has nothing to do with history, as before, I just thouh I'd tell you), France has always fucking sucked. I'd first like to mention that THEY GOT THEIR ASSES TOTALLY LICKED in World War II and had to have BIG BROTHER AMERICA come and save them, but when that same country asks for their approval on a NATO plan that would PROTECT A COUNTRY IN NATO, AND EVEN IF THE UNITED STATES DIDN'T USE IT AS ITS OWN PERSONAL MILITARY BASE IT WOULD STILL NEED PROTECTION FROM ANY IRAQI RETALATION ON A US INTEREST. The French seem to lose that concept. Even though it is the largest western-european nation, it wield a low 53 million inhabitants (all that deserve to die as much as the others). It's governmental structure is a sham. "President Chirac" obviously has some deep seeded hatred against the US because ANYTIME ANYTHING that the United States produces in ANY international governmental organization (i.e. the United Nations or NATO) France shoots it down like a bird flying over Barts house when he is hungry. Believe me, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE NEAR HIM WHEN HE IS HUNGRY. Fat people usually get cranky. If there is one last thing on how much the FRENCH FUCKING SUCK, it is that god awful design for a flag...


DEATH TO THE FRENCH...or SOMETHING



Were you expecting more than one? WELL NO BITCH. YOU DON'T GET MORE THAN ONE. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I HATE YOU. WHICH YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU READ THE ARTICLE FROM THE TOP RATHER THAN SKIM TO FIND THE MAILBAG PART.

Here you go...


c0mb0t is an idiot. Period.

c0mb0t
i need 2 know where 2 download the rpg maker :) can someone help me plz....

lithium
i ned 2 now wher u came from BECAUSE I HATE YOU! Actually, you could find RM2K in various places, none of which I am prepared to direct you to. It could be laziness.




Heavens_Enzuru
Hey! I promised Faust I would send a letter here so...
Okay, what happened to Shameroth ;_;.

lithium
Hey Heavens_Enzuru. I am truly sorry, but I killed Faust in a fit of rage. You can attend his funeral (click link for info). I am currently being tried for 1st degree murder, but according to Bart (my lawyer), I can get out SCOT FREE. Now, onto your question. I killed him too. In cold blood. What can you do about it? NOTHING.




xxblack_adderxx

hey guys been awhile since i sent ya a message, i was just wondrein' if it would be possable to get of the staff sometime or if you could send me the ways i could like say i had to make a games for ya heck i`ll do it so keep up the good work with the site

@}xxxxxxx{:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>

lithium
I'll have to admit, I was quite confused when I first saw this message. Luckily for me, we have a top-notch translator here at Gaming World. So, I decided to give it a whirl and show Alexander the message. First, he started to grunt and dance around the room with a fire poker but when he finally got to analyzing the message he came down to this. It had to mean only one of two things:

"Hey Guys! It has been awhile since the last time I sent in a mailbag message. I was jusr pondering if it would be possible to gain staff rank sometime in the near future. I don't have any specific request for a position, you can hire me for anything you want. Heck, I'd even make games to release under a Gaming World label. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you guys to keep the good work up."


I asked Alexander to do a revision of the mailbag comment, and after six bottles of vodka, he cranked out the REAL translation.

"Hey you crazy homosexuals! It has been awhile since I was totally lame and sent in a stupid mailbag comment like this. I was wondering, even though I am a fanatical loser who has some serious disability to make actual words when I type, if you could hire such a pathetic soul like me to the staff. Even though I probably have no skills in the field of RM2K at all, I'm sure I could provide comedy gold entertainment by making an ass out of myself when I make a game. Anyways, I just wanted to come out on Gaming World and confess my love for the teletubbies. See you."


I have to hand it to Alexander, he is quite a good translator. Much better than that Altavista shit.




I HAVE BEEN THREATENED CALL THE COPS

Xanqui
If you don't post this in your mail bag, I will be forced to throw a lame threat at you.

lithium
If you EVER, and when I say ever I MEAN EVER threaten me, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU - UNDERSTAND?




MRY FINALLY SNAPS!

Mr. Y
Okay, I happened to learn from a VERY TRUSTWORTHY PERSON that there is HOT RG & BART SEX PORN floating around GW. Seriously, you animals disgust me. What would the children think? I mean, look at Moriason. Just like Bart, he used to just be a nice normal Cannuck, until those EUROPEAN FIENDS took him under their wings and... and... OH MY LORD, THEY KILLED MY BABY. SHERRY! SHEEERY! COME ON HOME SHERRY, MOMMA'S WAITING FOR YA.

lithium
First off, I'd like to question the credibility of this person if he would even conjure the thought that Shari would even consider having sex with Bart (unless some type of destructive mechanism was pointed at her head). Secondly, I got the pornographic material that you wish to recieve from this site (SIGN OR DIE). We all know that Moriason is a wierd fucked up Canadian. Hell, he is as close to French as that sick, twisted son of a bitch can get. We all know much the French suck, don't we? Anywho, since we've known this for quite a long time, the only reasonable explaination for you bringing this up know is that you live in Des Moines, Iowa - hence thou is in the past (HAR HAR CHEAP SOUTH PARK RIPOFF). I am now preparing a voodoo ritual which will bring you into the future with us so that you may already know that Moriason is a creppy individual. I won't even comment on the last part... it hurts too much.




DEBUT COMEDY!

the winkler
What happened to GW Radio? Did the RIAA shut it down for not paying royalties? Or did the FCC shut it down out of sheer disgust? Are there any plans for a GW Music Video Network? You know, all RealPlayer all the time?

lithium
Open Winamp you fat fuck and you'll see that GW radio is alive and kickin'. If that fat bitch from the RIAA (I know what you were thinking, fat bitch = wishmoo, I'm not referring to her) comes near those radio plugs I'll come at her with my sharpened teeth a harmonica until she bleeds from the toenails.




Gleason
The giant bunny isn't a giant bunny, but rather a bunny that was infected with a parasitical life form that is sucking its life energy and mutating it in the process. He wants you to lie shredded in his bowels. Please help.

lithium
Dude, I totally didn't know that. I can't help you though. I hope that bunny eats you alive so that you may never give me that mental image of a bunny mutuating into a six legged walking freak-a-thon (I know what you were thinking, walking freak-a-thon = wishmoo, I wasn't referring to her).



So as you can see from my secret plugs from the fact that the French FUCKING SUCK - the world stays intact. Now, let me be "Afro Whores" is coming on HBO and I want to watch it from the beginning this time.