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Article - 'The Future, Yolindo?' by Guest

An item about Humour posted on Aug 9, 2003

Blurb

Mister Y delves into Gaming World's dark future with his mad BSIM skillz, yo. (THIS IS A FUNNY ARTICLE, K")

Body

Aren't you interested in what is to become of Gaming World? Well, you damn well sure be! This community is changiing and evolving, hopefully into something bright for us to all look forward to. Now, if you wanted to get the scoop on how Gaming World will change, you could...

  1. Get some weak statement from Bart, something along the lines of 'That is impossible to guess, and you suck.'
  2. Get Faust and DarkPriest to agree that you really do suck.
  3. Get laughed at by DrFunk.
  4. Fight THE POWER.
  5. Ask Mr. Y, you friendly neighborhood Badass Spy Informant Maen!

Well, all of those options are unutterably lame, except for the last one, which sounds like it could turn out pretty fun! So, let's assume you want to do option 5. But, it seems that, despite my own indefinite powers of BSIM goodness, I can never directly foretell everything! So, let's just look at some folks at 1, 2, and 3 years from now, and get a general scope of how the community is doing based off of thier accounts, aye?

1 year from now..



Bart begins making actual money off of running Gaming World, but instead of giving the staffers salaries, he chooses to invest his money in a mysterious Canadian outlet entitled 'Burger World'.

Stevester secretly starts a new "Society of Kewl Guyz" with the assistance of his close allies, Belross and Senior Behemoth.

Pyrate fights off the lamers with his Penis Laser, something he happened to come across in #gamemaker.

KaosTenshi revokes her staff position and begins teaching origami to the Finnish, and ultimately fails.

RPGoddess begins to distrubute RG Hentai across the Crap Shack, and instantly woos an adoring audience to title her unique art 'The Good Stuff'.

Alexander begins to wonder where he placed his Penis Laser that other night.

GazzWa undertakes a mystical quest to unearth the Ruby Gem of Monticonos~~~ within the Ruined Temple of the Eye, which is approximately two screens north of the peaceful village of Littleton.

Hiretsukan codes a Super Database, wins the Nobel Peace prize, and proceeds to empty his bowels on Bart's lawn and violently leave GW.

Anonymous Guy takes keen interest in swimming a long distance, and starts taking swimming lessons at his local YMCA.

Kazeuri is a king of toads within the Kingdom of Hyrule, or some shit. And yes, Kazeuri can fuck up Link any day.

Moriason comes on and kicks the can.

Lithium becomes a senator in the United States Senate from Alaska, and first recites his own famous slogan, 'Eat the Dark Meat!'.

Faust stars in his own pornographic venture entitled 'Hi Ho, Sailor!', which proceeds to win him two Academy awards for Best Costume and Silliest Haircut.

Mekesss learns of legacy001's phone number and proceeds to harass him.

DarkPriest kills a baby rabbit with just two fingers, then rubs blood over his fireplace and chants 'Muubleduck'.

Mr. Y becomes the president of a small African nation, and becomes so busy with plotting world domination that he is fired by Bart.

OVERALL
I foresee a harvest of glory. Gaming World will reach over 10 billion hambergers served daily, and will CRUSH McDonald's restaurants everywhere except Baghdad. Oh, and we'll get bigger too, yah.

2 years from now..



Bart learns of a plot led by H3Who to brainwash the staff via a whole new slew of 'cool avvies and pics, yo', and manages to slay H3Who before the plan succeeds.

Stevester and his Society of Kewl Guyz stage a rally in Philidelphia, and eventually take the entire East Coast and Japan under their power.

Pyrate becomes addicted to furniture porn, and begins his own secret warez chain in southeastern Mexico.

KaosTenshi reenters Gaming World's staff and publishes a new series of articles entitled 'What You Can Do With An Empty Soft Drink Bottle'.

RPGoddess' The Good Stuff art style becomes both extremely popular and controvesial in Taiwan, Korea, and western Germany, and anti-Archee groups spring up across the globe.

Alexander takes a new interest in pottery, and becomes skilled at the new hobby with the aid of his own My First Glue Stick.

GazzWa tracks down the Dark Warlock to a residence in New Jersey, but delays his attack in order to reconcile a lost love.

Hiretsukan learns that ExploreRPG is trying to hack the Super Database, and proceeds to crap on his lawn too.

Anonymous Guy swims across the Great Lakes in the United States, and begins growing a reputation as master endurance swimmer.

Kazeuri tells Mr. Y to go screw himself, and makes a really original and cool future for himself.

Moriason finally gets his own damn smilie on the Gaming World forums, but the members revolt and his smilie is removed in just 3 days.

Lithium gets pissed off by Stevester and returns to his home in Alaska, where he begins training as an assassin.

Faust rises to the top of the world fashion industry as a male model, but quits his high-brow life to take up a new career as postal carrier.

Mekesss learns of Himitsu Kurai's phone number and proceeds to harass him.

DarkPriest slaughters an adult female in Birmingham, then applies a pair of Halloween Vampire Teeth on her and drinks her blood.

Mr. Y conquers all of Africa, as well as the Middle East and parts of Asia and southern Europe.

OVERALL
Everyone is continuing further in their own paths. RPGMaker4500 is released by Kermit the Toad, and it proceeds to dominate all amateur gamemaking engines. RPG Creator also manages to finally make a game that uses every single cliche, and every gamemaking community unites in agreement that his game totally blows. The golden years of gamemaking are leaving, and a new darkness is brooding...

3 years from now...



Bart's home is overrun by a gang of GW haters led by the nefarious Malibus, and he is strung up on a string of salimee. He dies from THE BIRDSS.

Stevester is accidentially killed in a brutal power struggle between Senior Behemoth, Belross, and a mysterious third party.

Pyrate's home is invaded by Mexican cops, and in anxiety he accidentially dies in an explosion while attempting to turn on his Penis Laser.

KaosTenshi's home is surrounded by the Army of the Finns, and she is burnt along with all her property to a crisp, while she slept.

RPGoddess is confronted by the Korean, Taiwanese, and West Side Germano gangs, and she is suffocated in a pile of Japanimation.

Alexander dies shortly after he constructs the first pot of uranium in the world.

GazzWa defeats the Dark Warlock with the aid of his girlfriend summoner and a gang of goofey friends, but sadly he must also die for some obscure reason.

Hiretsukan is arrested for becoming a public nuisance after taking a crap in Central Park, and he is molested to death in prison by a gentleman named Sigmied.

Anonymous Guy attempts to swim across the Pacific Ocean to China from California. He drowns at the Spice Islands.

Kazeuri is shot by Mr. Y's PHEARY SPIES for insulting Mr. Y's good name.

Moriason gets kicked by the can, and dies from loss of blood.

Lithium returns to Philidelphia to slay Stevester, but is discovered and killed by Senior Behemoth's platoon of crack-shot lamers.

Faust is mauled to death by a toy poodle while on his mail delivery route.

Mekesss is beaten to death by a pair of disgruntled moderators named Himitsu and legacy.

DarkPriest eats his own hands, and is sent off to the Russian Mental Asylum in SIBERIA BURR.

Mr. Y reveals himself as the true Anti-Christ, and terror rains down from the skies.

OVERALL
A dark and brutal time for Gaming World. For a time the community is held under the reigns of anarchy as moderators attempt to regain control of a serious situation with no administrators and no Bartek Gniado to guide them. However, a prophet by the name of NotBart returns with the magic of AOL, and after pacifying the situation, leads Gaming World into its true 'golden age'.

THE END OF FUTURE-TELLING~