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Article - 'Mailbag Issue #024' by Faust

An item about Mailbag posted on Aug 9, 2003

Blurb

Faust rants about "American English" and asks for help!

Body

Quick rant about LANGUAGE this week >:(, most specifically "American English".



Ok, let's start with "cookie". What the HELL is up with that? Calling EVERY type of biscuit a "cookie" is just...scary. A cookie is a circular biscuit with chocolate chips or nuts in it. A gingerbread man is NOT a cookie. A custard cream is NOT a cookie! A digestive is NOT A COOKIE >:(!! Apparantly only southern hicks say "biscuit" over in the US. This saddens me.



English. What do I speak? English. What do Americans speak? English. Lately people have been saying shit like "American English", which is all well and good. Carve your own language out, good on ya. Do NOT have the audacity to call OUR ENGLISH from ENGLAND "British English" though. It's either Queens English or just plain "English". English from ENGLAND :D!



U's. What the HELL have you got against the letter "U"? It helps the "o" and "r" make that "ore" sound =/. Without it Armour should be said "arm-owar" or some shit. I don't know, I'm not a DOCTOR OF U. Alexander's father IS a professor of POO though, and that both rhymes and is TRUE! Ask him! He has a PHd in excretement!!!! XD!



Rather than me ranting some more, go read this site: SHIT LYING SITE. It makes some CLASSY mistakes about the differences between "British" English and American English. Here's some EXAMPLES:



"ate: et as in let (BE) | ate as in late (AE)" - No, only REALLY LOW CLASS PEOPLE pronounce "ate" as "et" here. That's SLANG morons!



"jail - gaol" - Gaol is ARCHAIC. It's used as much as people spell "Demon" as "Daemon". -_-



Well anyway, the site made me have FURY and you should too or something, unless you're an American Nationalist who HATES THE BRITISH. In that case go watch the Patriot. That's a bloody good movie if you don't count all the LIES in it. Same with Braveheart. Mel Gibson sure does love killin' English Folk ya boy? Haha TEXAN :D!



Big Belly full of FURY

Belross lets out a scream of rage with: What kind of show are you running! Faust had flattering commentary about those pathetic loser Trivia participants, but none for us super awesome Trivia Organizers who hold the cosmic powers of life and death in the palms of our hands or some shit?! What a rip! I dema, er, I mean, WE demand homage! Rwar! >:O! And take a few MORE exclamation points while you're at it!!!

A: ;-; sorry big belly. I didn't consider the organisers to be WORTH writing about. However, in order to appease you I'll write a few words about each.



BELROSS: Wears Hawaiian shirts, looks aggressive constantly, FAT

Mr.Y: Incarnation of CRAP, Catholic, smells a bit of eggs

ALEXANDER: Classy guy. Love him too much to insult, but his father is FAIR GAME! He's a Doctor of POO! XD



There ya go belly! Mission accomplished!



ERROR REBOOT FROM START

Eversoft asks a silly question: Can Faust program in any languages??

A: Erm...no, not really. Unless VISUAL BASIC (OMG) counts as a language. If so then "yes, VB", but not like very well. I made a TIC TAC TOE game though, and a MILLIONAIRE game haha :D! GO ME! Otherwise no. How can somone with no coding skill hold such a position on a game creation website? Simple answer: Mansex.



Butter...yes

Xanqui is up with current international events: What is your opinion on the price of butter in Kuwait? After all, it is a really big deal.

A: Ok, let me go check on that....Ok, so apparantly the price of butter is rising in Kuwait. This is indeed a big issue as butter is a damn great resource. Without butter, Toast would be bland, crackers would be dry and Bart would LOSE WEIGHT SLIGHTLY, until he realised that he could use LARD in place of butter anyway. I don't really care though as Kuwait is FAR AWAY and in the middle east. The middle east is pretty shit, except for Israel anyway.



Goatse, always with the Goatse!

Impeal demands an answer to a VERY important question: How do you pronounce goatse? Some say "Goatsy", Some say "Goat-see" and this one guy I saw said "Goat-suh" ¬_¬. I say "Goat Sex". Goatse.cx or what ever, Take out the "c" and it's se.x. What are your thoughts on this?

A: Well my friend Samuraise states that it should be pronounced "Goat-see", but I pronounce it as you'd say "goatsex", just without the x. "Goat-seh". Makes sense yeah? BTW: I'm not like an AUTHORITY on goatse or anything lol, so don't ask me ;_;. Want an authority on goatse - See Moriason! XD



Chinky Sam the Chinaman

Sapphire Star asks: Why does Faust never use the word "Chinesetastic" in any of his articles, mailbags, etc, even though I tell him to do so EVERY WEEK?! >:o

A: Sorry Sapphy, I just totally forgot ;_;. I'll use it now: CHINESETASTIC :D! Hehe, the little subtitle of this article, "chinky Sam the Chinaman" is a RACIAL SLUR based on my friend Samuraise. He's 1/4 chinese haha, so is FAIR GAME FOR SOME CHINK NAME CALLING. He calls me "mick" and "Paddy" though, the BIGOT ;_;!!



Oh what a tangled web!

SharpBlade gives us some literary advice: The book "The Scarlet Letter" sucks, all who are in gamingw must know this as a truth. If this is all you ever learn in life, you should be very thankful as this may prevent you from even looking at the book much less reading it (which would be impossible since i just said "If this is all you ever learn in life", because you wouldn't learn how to read then would you?) So my advice, stay at least 50 feet away from this book at all times, the horribleness of it may kill you. You must put this in the mailbox as a warning, for mankinds sake.

A: Ok, when anyone says shit like this it always wants to make me check out the book, which I will do. It's an "American Classic", that's all I know so far as I have to finish up this mailbag shit before I can have any FUN LEISURE READING TIME ;_;! And for anyone that wants to read this book online, go here: The Scarlet Letter



Morontastic!

Spyro Chan jumps on the ever-faust-loving bandwagon with: Is Faust a drag queen or is he just a girly man?

A: Simple answer: Neither. I'm not a drag queen, I'm not a "girly man". I'm me. Slightly effeminate in looks, classy as hell in actions. As you may have noticed, questions like this come up a lot. It doesn't make you big, special or classy asking them again and again, and your futile attempts to phase me DO NOT WORK GOOD SIRS haha :D



Elvis lives in...(-u+i)

Memphus insults the fatty Mr.Y with: Why does Mr. Y keep changing his avatars? They keep getting suckier and suckier. He must go back to the old spy in the blue, that one was the best. And what's with Bart's obsession with LEGO? I love LEGO, maybe we should get hooked up (me and Bart)

A: Mr.Y likes to pretend he's special, when really he's pretty crap. I liked his old SPYMAEN avatar too, but perhaps he's gotten bored of it :(. I can't remember what avatar he has now, but it's probably pretty shitty. Oh, and Bart likes LEGO ever since he realised that he could make LEGO PORN using his webcam. We all had MANY orgasms that night baby!



Only 8 replies this week as the rest consisted of shit about rm2k, rm2k3 and insults. Come on people, will you send in some SERIOUS questions and shit now and again? Maybe I should announce a topic each week or something? ... heh, ok, email faust@gamingw.net with ideas for the mailbag, where it should be going, what you'd like to see in it etc. I may even listen and respond :D!