Gw Temp


Article - 'Can you kill a vampire?' by Terin

An item about Miscellanious posted on Aug 9, 2003


I was sitting in Economics after a quiz (that I probably failed) and I looked to the trusty school newspaper... Can it have a greater purpose?


Today I was sitting in Economics, taking a Quiz over how banks create money and how all the money is generally divided in America. Before Economics, I have lunch, and today happened to be a School Newspaper day. So at lunch, I picked up a newspaper and sat reading it.

Of course, I finished my quiz early and had the rest of the period to meddle in my own affairs. So, I'd read the newspaper, or what looked decent. Most of our journalists don't really make any good arguments, and tackle issues that people usually don't care about. I couldn't leave this newspaper wasted in the garbage...

My class after Economics is English. So, as the bell rings to switch classes, I roll up the newspaper unsuspecting of what ideas I had just fed myself. It was in the shape of a cone, which also happens to be somewhat similar to a wooden stake. Most of you know that VAMPIREs are killed by wooden stakes, so I began to contemplate the possibilities.

VAMPIREs somehow die when jabbed through the heart with a wooden stake. I figure, if a VAMPIRE is injured by any form of wood, it probably has an allergy to it. If you can fire 80 bullets through its heart and its still standing, then obviously it has to be something a little more scientific. I concluded that there must be some strange chemical reaction due to their lack (or rather want and need) for blood. Therefore, paper, which contains basic tree barks ground into a pulp and then solidified into paper after a long process, does contain some wood. I figure, paper should be able to kill a VAMPIRE--in fact, I think they even did it on Buffy once or twice, and it was probably left leaving the viewers asking, "Why? How?" Wait, that's right, most viewers usually aren't that intelligent, my mistake.

So, anyway, there is some rather dark gothic girl in my next class. She had to have some amount of VAMPIRE in her. I mean, she's pale, wears all black... Okay, so that's kind of me, but I'm not a VAMPIRE. I'd know if I were a VAMPIRE, right? Plus, I can go out in the sun and I don't burn, so there. Anyway, I figured I'd test the stake out. I grabbed a piece of tape to hold it all together at the base, and concealed it until I had the chance to provoke the figure whom I assumed to be a VAMPIRE.

When she entered, she was wearing black and red, and was missing her usual black cat ears hairband. A shame, I like those cat ears. Anyway, I'm sitting there with the stake in hand and I asked her, "Are you afraid now, demon?" in some twisted amount of English with a sadistic grin spread across my face. She seemed to widen her eyes in fear and decided to call me stupid instead.

The entire class she kept a great distance away from me and told me I was rather unintelligent for my accusations. At the end, I decided the stake kept some people away, so I'd have to try using it against others in case of need. Also, with the amount of times it's rolled up, it might even work for a decent club.

I concluded that it is actually effective against VAMPIREs. The fact that this girl, whom I will label VAMPIRE was not only frightened by it, but she also avoided my because of it. Sure, she could have just been thinking I was psychotic, but I figure a VAMPIRE would be scared and try to disguise their being by calling others 'stupid' or just 'crazy.'

So, if you're ever in a fight with a VAMPIRE, quickly turn some paper into a stake and aim good, because it will work.