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Article - 'Sex Appeal in Your Game!' by PUNJABIBLOOD666

An item about Humour posted on Jan 14, 2004

Blurb

Senior Behemoth gives a DETAILED report on why adding excessive amounts of nudity to your amateur games can make them instant hits!

Body

Have you ever wondered why your game doesn't do very well? Not getting the reviews you want to get? Just not enough downloads for your liking? Well don't worry! I have the perfect solution for you.



SEX APPEAL!



Seriously, with sex thrown into your game, it'll be a instant hit! Everybody in the community claims that they would NEVER play a hentai game, but almost everyone played Lunar Eve or whatever that game was called back in the day! If you do not believe me, let us look at the stats!











(The first download count is from The Way 4, the second RPGMaker Story, and the last Destiny Call Complete. Screenshots were taken at around midnight on October 10)



Look, all-time classic RPGMaker Story and the excellent The Way 4 download count combined can't equal Destiny Call Complete, a game which has the whole "I must have sex or I'll die a horrible death" custom system, or as I like to call it, the CIMHSOIDAHDS. Coincidence? I think not!



So, the real question is, now that you have decided to put some form of sexiness into your game, how will you do it? You, the gamemaker, has many options!



The first option would be to include random hentai pics of the heroine, although this could provide a challenge getting a good enough artist. This option may not be advisable though, considering hentai games (as far as I know) are not allowed on GW, although I don't know other gamemaking site's policies on that sort of stuff. Use this one at your own risk, or just make it a secret ending so that none of the GW staff will find it before they put it up for download.



Your second option is to have a CSPS, or in newbie terms, custom sprite porn system. Custom systems are known because only the elite can make them, and this is no exception! In fact, this system is quite possibly one of the most legendary custom systems out there, beating the CIMHSOIDAHDS by a long shot. In fact, these things are so legendary, I am not sure of the details, but I am fairly confident when I say that it has something to do with the title. Actually, my secret sources (It's all right DS, I won't tell anyone that you gave it to me) gave me a screenshot which I will give to you! It's really secret, so don't let anybody else see it, okay?







It doesn't have the porn bit yet, but my sources tell me that that is coming soon. They also say that only in the next release will you be able to tell what gender it is.



Your fourth option is also very affective, it involves putting a woman in a scantily clad outfit on the boxart....well, for your game, title screen. Make sure that this woman has absolutely nothing to do with your game, and if she is in it, make her wear an abundance of clothes like she lived in Canada. This is sure to fool the players and make them hope that they will get to see more of this woman, therefore playing through your game. You sure fooled them, didn't you?



The last option that I can offer is probably what I'd like to call the "Alternate Link" method, which means that you post your game on the forums, but make two links to your game! What for? Well, what you do is post a link to the "general audience" game, and the "adult" game! In essence, it'll be the same link, leading to the same game, but there will undoubtably be a lot more downloads of the "adult version"! Actually, it'll encourage people to download your game! But, why do that when you can just claim that your normal game has some sort of nudity? Well, I'm pretty sure that there are some people who don't want the "adult" version, so they'll download the "safe" one. Of course, when a couple people have downloaded the game they'll realize that they have been scammed and get angry, so your whole plan will collapse, but no worries! There are always other gamemaking communities you can be run out of.



So, in conclusion, sex appeal is the best way to go! Think of how many more hits Three the Hard Way would have gotten if iishenron had put some sort of hand-drawn nudity in it! A hell of a lot more than 3552, that is for sure!