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Article - 'Stuff Games Should Include' by Angroth

An item about Humour posted on Feb 3, 2004

Blurb

Things that would make a good game stupid and a stupid game good.

Body

Whether or not it’s worth including the following in a game is debatable but I think by not including any of them it’s making our rpg role models really weird….

Pee pee’s and poo poo’s
If you’re going to tell me that Cloud never needed to go toilet once on his amazing 3 disc adventure then I just as well jump off a cliff! Wouldn’t it be funny just to see it for once though?
[Tifa] “We better hurry to the temple of the ancients Cloud!”
[Cloud] “Oh man, I really need a leek first, can you hold on for 5 minutes?”
When games include toilet stuff it’s always funny or for some reason…. Cool… Take Metal Gear Solid for example, a great game that most people like and it has a toilet bit! How cool is it to go into the toilets and strangle that guy before he can do anything? Toilet moments are should be included in rpgs!

A bit of private time!
For once in my life I’d like to see a Final Fantasy or Breath of Fire where the hero just finally gets in bed with the girl and does some naughty stuff! In real life it would happen, we all know it! And it would be much more satisfying if the hero did it rather than loving each other but never even talking about it, or maybe one kiss (in the months they spend together). Not just that but with a little bit of perversion comes lots more players, all the young male gamers would go play the game just to see it.

If it’s annoying, kill it!
If Cloud really was as cold and emotionless as he was Barrett should have taught him a lesson or two along the way. Any annoying character should get punched or jumped by the party for being such an idiot. In real life, if someone annoys you all the time, don’t you ever hit them or tell them to bugger off?

A change of clothes
Especially considering they don’t wash, not changing their clothes?? That’s really got to pong! No matter how flashy their outfit is a costume change is always welcomed. Also it’s probably not very convenient to where the same clothes you wear in a city, in a forest, in a desert, in snowy plains and underwater…

Some role swapping
If the ultimate evil cool guy ever offered me to join his forces or to help him out, I reckon I would. Why try and fight something so powerful that takes a long journey to gain power to defeat? If you can’t beat it join it! The bad guys always have the hotter ladies, the bigger weapons and the more fantastic castles. If only this happened in a game! We could see the hero’s companions leave him one by one and his confidence slowly get shattered and has turns into a gibbering wreck.

Eating food
If you don’t do this you die… It also gives some good openings for enemies ambushing you.

Lonely fun
Let’s assume the hero never manages to get his hands on the princess…. But think what thinks he could do with his hand and his head. Maybe he could just spy on her while he has some fun with himself! It’s bound to happen! If you saw a princess or prince that was really amazing and you saw all the time, even if just once you’d slip your hand down your pants and…. :O

Die and get someone better
The amount of rubbish characters games usually give you would make you wonder why they don’t die? And if one of them did die, there’s always plenty of other better people that you meet in the game anyway. What’s up with that?

Well.. These things aren’t included for a reason. They’d just make a game stupid, but if you’re making a stupid game then this stuff will be great!