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Article - 'Mailbag #028' by Kazeuri

An item about Humour posted on Mar 28, 2004

Blurb

This is the best mailbag EVER until next week, when, undoubtedly, I will be so clever that mailbag is better than GW. Then, the week after, mailbag will rival sex. Comprehend?

Body

{ Intro }

Ahoy cunt cakes! It appears as if I am back to do another mailbag. I am here to revitalize mailbag for GW5! Are you happy?

Oh, you aren't? I have a solution then, see if a fork can fit into an electrical outlet in your home. If not, come back and

continue to enjoy the mail bag.

Since the last mailbag, I gained a level and am now 16. Unless I was 16 when I did those other mailbags, time sure does

confuse me. I'm getting much older now, and more mature. For instance, I finally seen my first gray pubic hair the other day!

I was at McDonalds and went to go pee, of course, I was still eating my quarter pounder. After I finished up, I look in the

mirror, take a bite and... what's this? Gray pube in my mouth! Now, given the circumstances, I couldn't determine if it was

mine, or pre-planted. Didn't taste like mine, however.

So, what has been up with the Kazeuri since we last left off his EXCITEMENT ADVENTUROUS TALE? Well, I got a letter from the

health department informing me to "stop sharing the love". Oh wait, wrong focus. I got a letter from the state of Florida

informing me I now have a Diploma! I also got engaged... to a GIRL! Probably surprises you, huh? You thought just because I

always had gay sex I was gay, huh? GUESS AGAIN! I wore a condom and never did catch "The gay", ho ho ho.

Here is a little section I'd like to call MAN (or Wo + Man) OF THE HOUR! This week's man is none other than Kim Jong Il of

North Korea.
Here is a short description of him:

"Kim is believed to have a genius-level IQ of 150 or 160. An intelligence source describes him as a "computer wizard" who

surfs the Internet, is fascinated with new technologies and is determined to develop North Korea's fledgling software

industry. "


He is also an aggressive communist world leader with nuclear capabilities. I recently had the chance to interview him myself,

and took this photo:



Kim Hello! IS GREAT BE HERE IN ENGLISH!
Kaze Yes yes, it appears you are also a "wizard of English". First, let's discuss your relationship with the United

States.
Kim Zerg Rush!!! KEKEKE ^_^_^_^_^_^
Kaze Holy shit! Brilliant strategy mate, but what is they have marines in a bunker?
Kim If to not Korea is it ashes for you! KEKEKOREA!
Kaze Agreed. Now, I hear you are good with computers is, this true?
Kim KAKAKA! I'm such to hax0r you me fearing! TIME RUNNING UP! All USA Military base are belong to us!
Kaze Hmm, I see. What would you do if the United States tried to invade your country?
Kim That unpossible! We having a land likes to a fork. If go one way, death. If travel paths the others, also death!

Win is not a fork path. Options?
Kaze Great analogy, like a fork! You were born February 15, 1942. That makes you an... Aquarius, right?
Kim Aquarius an yes! Having other sign is certainty of failure! Only Korea and along side Aquarius will pave to

victory! Other paint death!
Kaze I'm a Gemini, actually. I seem pretty victorious at times. I'm also not from Korea.
Kim Interview over! I have send a laser beam cannon satellite point to your house! Soon will be of flames! KOREA!
Kaze Erm... Okay. I'll just wait for the burning sensation. See you around, Kim Jong Il!
Kim I still here! Korea never defeated! Even in the ashes we have a power better than honkey tonk Americans!
Kaze Oh, great. Okay, Kim, in your palace, do you have electricity?
Kim Why yes yes! We also have CAPABILITIES OF DEATHSTRUCTION! NO WILL TO SURVIVE!
Kaze Do you have forks? Like in your analogy?
Kim Yes.
Kaze If you are truly a great leader, you should be able to fit the fork into an electrical outlet. Go try it, and

come back if it doesn't work and you are a failure.
Kim I have never a failed!! VICTORY MY GRASP ON!
*Several minutes pass*
[Kim Jong Il has disconnected 17:15:24; Connection to client interrupted]

{ Mailbag }

On to those e-mails, panzy!

ProjectSpam writes:
Pimpin'! GW5 is truly da shiznit. The old GW was totally phat with a capital 'P', da spankin' new version is crunchy for

mah homegrown funky peeps. Word. ... Okay, that's enough of that, I'm not very good with that kind of stuff...
Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'm expecting even better in the future. YAY!

Response: Bart worked very hard on GW5. To make a long process short, GW5 was delayed like a flight from Iraq to New

York. I think it was probably close to a year over-due. However, this didn't stop it from totally kicking ass.

Now, I make fun of you. First, you should learn that talking like you are a suburban thug isn't a good way to get in the

mailbag. Second? Well, second, ask a question. We all already know GW kicks ass, you telling us it kicks ass just makes you

look behind the times, Jew Nose.

GamemasterX actually sent this as a Global Invoice across Gaming World:
I have a small wang

wait...

Response: We did wait, nearly three hours, for the next message. We were expecting some sort of revelation relating to

his small wang, but, nothing occured. We tracked GamemasterX to the back janitorial closet in our offices. Well, it was dark

in there and we don't even have a janitor, just a mop. He was sitting in there with his pants down, smelling like ass, and

insisted that when we opened the door his girlfriend (who he was having intiamte relations with) "Ran Away".

This is a true story guys, I couldn't make this shit up.

Drfunk sent this on the back of a post card from "The Animal: Have a gay time at Serbia's WILDEST club".
Is Kaze doing this mail bag, or is Faust (probably not), or some other shit person?

Response: We held auditions with a sign out front that said "Be the next American Idol". Pretty much, everyoen that

showed up, we lind up against a wall. We looked pretty closely at them (Bart insisted on checkign the quality of their

teeth). In the end, we decided I would still do the mailbag.

So, we told them to turn around, put a blind fold on, and then asked Kezay to "do the honors" with some form of automatic

weaponry from Florida, unseen in Canada. It was noisy at first, and, bloody after. As I said, we have NO janitor, just a mop.

I got on the intercom and pretended to be a grocery store "Clean up in Room C27. Room C27, near the cafeteria" .

As the new staffers came in to clean, I enjoyed a bite of Cheese Nips. As, the irony.

TurkPimp has messaged my computer when I got back to my desk:
MrY would rather have a MALE-bag.

LOLOLOL.

Response: How true... uh, yeah. I promptly closed the messanger, but the question, and my response in the mailbag

lingered. To take my mind off of it, I shot a round of Yahoo Pool with a friend of mine.

Okay, seriously, is the pink haired character a GUY or a GIRL? This annoys me to no extent. COntinue with the mailbag!

Xanqui called a meeting and showed us a fancy graph that said:
I think we should get points if our mailbag submissions are good enough.

Response: What? Are you insane? Then people might actually try to add intelligent entries! Then where would the humor

be? Where would the small wangs be? Don't ruin the mailbag, Xanqui. enough of your intelligence!

animus accidently sent us this, and a coupon for 5.9% APR Credit Card:
I recently looked at the games section, and realized there was no section for games that try to make learning fun, like

Mario's Time MAchine, Mario is Missing, and some sesame street game I can't remember the name of... Does GW not host amatuer

games that try to make learning fun? Is it because GW is attempting to further the ignorance of the current game scene? Or

perhaps it is because Bart is a tyrannical GIT, that realized knowledge leads to free will, and free will leads to a revolt?

PLease clear this up for me.

Response: Good point. However, let's do some math. There are probably close to a million games released, and, in

total, you can only name 3 games, ever, that are about learning. Now; there are probably hundreds of home-made games. What

are the odds that one of them will be about learning? 0.

Fun + Learning = Bullshit. My school tried that before I burned it down. Never once is learning fun. Sure, you can smile, and

play along like you enjoy learning, but, really, you don't. I hope games contribute massivly to the retardation of the world.

If you learn something while playing a game (for example, how to shoot Haitans) and don't realize it, that's good. If

learning, however, hampers progress through the game, then the game will fail (like the three you mentioned)!

Fallen_Spades scrawled this across a torn sheet of notebook paper and slid it under my door:
I've lost motivation in making my game...

WAAAA!!!!!!!

Seriously, any good tips on regaining them?

Response: Don't worry, many men have traveled the same road as you. Before, you would wake up, energized, ready to go

at it. You would have a HARD and DETERMINED will. Now, when the door is open, you sit inside. You have no AMBITIOn no DRIVE.

Plus, your wife is fucking around on you.

That's why, you, Fallen_Spades, need viagra!

Unless, your e-mail is about making games. Use the analogy towards a girlfriend. If you lose interest and lose motivation,

get a new chick. There is no lust like a new love. If your game disinterests you, it probably seems boring to me too. So

start a new project, innovate.

Wait... did I just help someone? Cross that out! What you NEED to do, is go get fat on chicken. Then, roll around in the

grass outside while covering your head. You are protexted from; Tornados (if you cover your head), Fires (if you roll close

to the ground), and atom bombs (if you are fro mthe '50s).

Konstantino grew old typing this shit:
I was thinking the other day about music, and how even though something could be "in", such as gangster rap, R&B, and

sometimes punk rock, some people-mind you, alot of people perfer different music. Now it's true, what's "in" is desided by

the majority of the people, but how does something like that actually get "in"?
There are many factors controlling this, for example:

An artist/group that makes it good
One thing that desides if it's "in" is role models, or even a group that just tries that style out, and it makes that style

look good. These thing cause something to get in.

It just gets thrown in the face at you
Sometimes, one or more people may get into a group, and just like the specific genre, and then link that genre with friends

that either a) Look up to them or are good friends with them. This causes a larger group of people to like it, and then

eventually it will pass on so hard and fast, right at you that you'll either a) try to like it or pretend to like it so

you'll be considered "cool". This is mostly peer pressure, and that will hit you, right where it all counts.

Many, MANY other ways
There's SO many ways that a specific genre of music can get "in" quickly, so many-I probably would take hours writing them

all. So stand against what you don't actually like, just be yourself. This isn't even JUST music, it's many other things too,

like book genres, game genres, ect...

That's all, so please post your opinions on this topic!

-Konstantino

Response: Dude, shut up. No offense, but you know nothing. Do you know what makes music popular? The industry. The

industry releases 100 songs every week. You buy those CDs because you are "in" and watch MTV or listen to the radio so that

they can set your musical preferences for you.

If you want to listen to music, listen to good music, not what's in. The underground is where it's at. People at GW, usually,

have very good tastes in music. They listen to stuff that you'd never hear on the radio. Not just one type of underground,

like foreign metal bands, but they listen to underground rap, and techno too. In fact, anyone who listens to "game music"

(Which is one of the three arts of faggotry in my book) still gets my respect because it's not spoon fed and injected into

them by a marketing giant.


{ LINK }

Link of the bag!

Okay, every Mailbag, I will add in a link I think all of you little perverts should check out. This one, is by far one of the

best I may ever include...

Sirlin.net

This site has by far one of the most amazing articles EVER written. The site is written by a Street Fighter tournament

champion (and a really intelligent individual). The entire site details theories on "playing to win", and has a great level

of coverage on them.

Why did I include this link? It's about GAME DESIGN! I figure that since Gaming World patrons usually design games, well, you

might enjoy this site, I know I do.


{ Wrap Up }

Okay, it's almost time to go. Stop getting all teary-eyed, boner biter. If you really enjoyed mailbag (Which you better have,

lest the face judgement), you can just wait until next week where I will bring it back again (Kind of like a boomerang,

except this time you wont get hit in the face).

As fans of the mailbag, it's your JOB to send stuff in. I will look it over, decide it is worthless, and delete it. You will

read mailbag for weeks to come and never see your inquery. What a happy ending!

I'm out viagra in the nursing home, bitch!