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Article - 'HardSoft Super GameBox 2000' by GaZZwa

An item about Humour posted on Aug 8, 2003

Blurb

The future of home console entertainment.

Body


The HardSoft Super GameBox 2000


At HardSoft we believe in bettering ourselves and broadening our horizons. That is why this Christmas the present at the top of every child’s and adult’s list alike will be the HardSoft Super GameBox 2000.

HardSoft are world-renowned for many home computer software titles such as:

HardSoft Excel
HardSoft Flight Simulator – Cruise Control Edition
HardSoft London Marathon Simulator
And many, many more…

Because the console market is such a profitable one, we at HardSoft have decided to join the likes of Sony, Nintendo and Sega in selling a system which needs no installation and is hassle free in every way. We aim to set the Super GameBox 2000 above our competitors with these high-class specifications:

256 bit graphics processor – The best graphics seen on a console since the ZX Spectrum

Intel 733MHz processor – The most powerful CPU of any console

The Flux Control Pad – the most advanced and sophisticated controller in ergonomic technology

A CD slot – we got tired of CD trays and decided to make a fiddly slot which makes inserting CD’s a chore in itself

An eject button – to crash your console and horribly scratch the CD that is unfortunate enough to be inside the console at the time

A European power adaptor – makes plugging your console in a whole lot harder if you’re American

An apron – like playing games whilst eating your favourite sticky snack? Now you can!

Blindfold – Try playing games with your vision obstructed

Power on button – turns console off

Power off button – turns console off

Power reset button – turns console off

Ethernet internet connection, powered by AOL – for the best internet connection around


And with that we are proud to present to you, the HardSoft Super GameBox 2000, HardSoft’s future-generation video game system that delivers the most powerful games experience ever. Super GameBox 2000 empowers game artists by giving them the technology to fulfil their creative visions as never before, creating games that blur the line between fantasy and reality such as Hearts 3000, Super Minesweeper and 3D HS Pinball.

The Super GameBox 2000 console are controller are designed to capture the power and performance the Super GameBox 2000 will deliver and are based on the input of more than 7 gamers and games creators from around the world. Sleek and powerful in it’s look, in a rich multitude of colours (available in neon green, cuddly pink and dirt track brown) the Super GameBox 2000 is emblazoned with a signature green button in the centre, which when pressed makes strange and mysterious whirring sounds that do not seem to do anything other than release your bank account information.

The Flux Control Pad:

At HardSoft, we believe in a sleek design as well as comfort. Thus we invented the Flux Control Pad. With it’s innovative design it fits comfortably into your palm and is the leading in current ergonomic technological advances. Here is an artists impression:





We make a point of offering aggressive, everyday low pricing. Thus, the Super GameBox 2000 will have a recommended retail price of $799.95 and the games will sell from $79.95. With this aggressive pricing, we can afford to spend more money on quality games like this upcoming title:





In addition to a portfolio of great games, the Super GameBox 2000 has a HardSoft mobile phone link-up feature. Link up your mobile phone to your console by scrambling through miles of cables at the back of your system and plugging it in. The feature is utterly useless, but you can boast to your friends that your mobile phone plugs into your games console. Now that is value for money.

We have plans to add a VHS player feature onto our console. You will then be able to play all your favourite VHS films on your Super GameBox 2000. However, this feature will not be added until August 2004, and so it will be an optional extra costing around $55.95.

The HardSoft Super GameBox 2000 was designed to be the future of gaming: online team-play, downloadable graphics interface, ultra-realistic graphics, digital surround sound, excellent controller and many more features sets it a cut above the rest. Go for the games, go the future, go for the Super GameBox 2000.


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In April 2002, HardSoft went bankrupt and the Super GameBox 2000 project was abandoned. Microsoft are developing a similar system.


-- GaZZwa