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Article - 'How to get into the Prom for Free' by Xanqui

An item about Humour posted on Apr 18, 2005

Blurb

Xanqui tells you how to lie, cheat, and steal your way into your high school prom. This article is not intended for the weak-minded...

Body

I refuse to pay $60 to go to some place with people I already know to sit down at a table and not even get any dinner. That, plus the expensive tuxedo you have to rent or some crap like that, can add up in costs. So I have devised a plan to get into the prom without paying any money, and I am here to tell you how I'm going to do it as well as other ways.

First, we'll begin with the most obvious:

Have your date pay for it
Really guys, are you going because you think you're going to get laid afterwards? Some of you probably will, but most of you know deep down inside that it won't happen. You want to believe it, but you're only lying to yourself. It's time to let your date understand that as well.

Now one of two things can happen here: you'll either get her to pay for it, or you'll get laid. Have her pay for the prom ticket, and explain to her that you really don't want to go and there's nothing in it for you. If your date really likes you, but still wants to go to the prom, she'll convince her parents to pay for both of you. Or she'll tell you that she'll give you a happy ending afterwards. Or you might get screwed and not get either, and she'll either dump you or plan to spend some lame-ass time with you afterwards.

Here are some ideas to get your date to pay for the ticket:

1. Express some general lack of interest in going to the prom while maintaining a stable relationship. Let her think you don't really want to go. Eventually she'll offer to pay for your ticket in hopes that you might give in. Reverse psychology, heh heh.

2. Admit that you're poor and say that you'll do anything for a ticket. Some girls like it when they play the role of the man. But then you might have other issues to deal with afterwards...

Wanna be gay?
Maybe you might get lucky and one of your buddies broke up with his date shortly before the prom. Convince him to take you and split once you get there. Or start questioning your real tastes.

The Tux
The common belief is that everyone has to wear a tuxedo. That's not always true. Perhaps your dad has a nice suit or you recently went to a wedding (or funeral). Ask some teachers what the official dress code is. It's usually just a nice shirt, a tie, and dress pants. Some schools even allow costumes if they're appropriate.

Renting or buying suits can be expensive and wasteful. If you absolutely have to buy one, try Goodwill or some other crappy thrift store. Or if you've got an interview coming up, you can kill two birds with one stone.



But that just isn't twisted enough. No, my plan is much better, and far more disgusting. Fortunately, everything is just going to fall into place here. Being one of the few eighteen year-olds in my school, as well as good friends with several teachers, I've got the best plan yet:

Have your teacher take you as a date
Yes, it's a sick thought, but when you really think about it, it's the best way to go about it. This eliminates having to con some innocent girl into thinking she's being nice by paying for your ticket, and it's a great way to accumulate some power. Teachers get into the prom for free, and they're the chaperons. Thus, you become someone who will have the power to get fellow classmates kicked out of the building.

Now how did this all work out? Let's go back, way back, to when I was a Junior.

I told my teachers I had no intention of going to the prom long ago, knowing full well the problems the whole thing caused. I didn't have a date, and I didn't think I'd have one come time for the prom. I certainly wasn't going to front the $60 for some lame-ass “dance” with all of my “friends” who probably wouldn't care whether I showed up or not.

But one teacher in particular, Mrs. Garland, strongly opposed this. She was a new teacher at the time, just got her Master's degree, and wasn't more than 6 years older than me. But she was married and had a child, so it's not like I had any chance there. She always talked about how great her prom was and wouldn't have me not going to mine.

For months we argued about this, but recently when the discussion came up again, she said she was going to take me as her date, thus eliminating all of the factors that bothered me. I already had a suit, so I wouldn't be spending a penny, and I'd get a free ride to it.



So really it wasn't even my plan. But you can make it yours. Why waste all that money on a memory you'll have forever?

Other ways to get out of spending money on high school memories:
- Steal someone's class ring.
- Borrow someone's cap and gown for graduation.
- Sign up for free lunches by pretending you live in a poor household.
- If your school has them, steal an “All A's Pass” from someone to get into events such as plays or sports games for free.
- Participate in the school plays and steal tickets for friends and family. Or just get to know the director. Or just sneak into the room with the tickets and snatch a few.

If you're lucky, you can get through high school without spending a penny on anything. But don't expect to be well-liked by many people or to spend much time outside of jail.

Please note that this article was a joke and in no way do I condone the things I said in this. This article is for humor purposes only and many students who do these things get caught or regret it for the rest of their lives.