Gw Temp


Article - 'Bartek Mystery' by Kazeuri

An item about Humour posted on Aug 8, 2003


An article that explains the true origins of Bartek Gniado, and reveals what he REALLY looks like.


Bartek Gniado; REVEALED

Okay, okay, rumor has it that our faithful leader, Bartek Gniado, is really a dirty fat old man. I am here to put those rumors to the test!

What has I done? I have collected, carefully, every piece of evidence I can in order to find out what Bart looks like. I looked
at every clue strewn about Gaming World, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of this MAD MAN. First, lets just get right down to
it and look at the photographic evidence he may have provided us with.

Case 1: Bartman.

What is this scary blue turd on your screen? I think it is a baby photo of BARTEK! The closest thing we have to a REAL photo of BARTEK!
Let's examine it! As you can see, he is related to a gremlin like species. I also believe that he may be much older, like 50, even though he is probably 6-8.
His wide smile hints to VISCUOUS TEETH, for feasting upon smaller children. Also, he is blue, much like a Smurf. That probably means he lives in a Mushroom.

Case 2: BartMad.

This is I guess a picture of Bartek when he becomes angry. Maybe he is a super hero, who transforms when there is danger? I think not!
The obvious answer is that he has watched too much "Dragon Ball Z" and becomes a ferocious Saiyan Ape when he becomes angry. Also,
he looks like he is made of plush, and is no longer blue. Could this be an effect of his advanced aging?

Case 3: Ninja Secrets

Okay! We got it! This is a recent photo of him, in his real self. He is obviously dressed like a ninja so he can steal towels from K-Mart!
His Ninja suit also enables him to dodge the FBI, who are on his case! Bartek uses the open fist Ninja Kuwaii style, which means he is
too slow to learn real Ninjitsuu. He also has a Ninja watch on, that tells the time where he lives. He probably uses this so that he knows
when the Smurfs are on Nickelodeon, and he will not miss a single episode of his long lost family, and their adventures of wacky fun!

Case 4: Foget

(Various images throught Gaming World)

This is an obvious sign of who Bartek really is! Bartek must be mis-guided as to his sexuality, leading to his "fogetness". This probably stems from his hideous blue color.
After all, what kind of girl would go out with someone of such tint and tone? The strange appearance of foget clues us into Bartek's style of dress. He dresses like
a French revolutionary soldier captain. We have no idea why.

Case 5: Cheese God

(Various quotes and images)

Bart loves cheese. Maybe he loves cheese so much because it fuels his new secret Candian missile silo? I doubt it, because he is too nice to blow up stuff. I think
he really loves cheese because when he eats it he thinks of cows. Then he wishes. Think about it, a cow goes MOO. He WISHES. WISHMOO. He wishes wishmoo was not around
because she smells like cheese? Or, maybe I am on the wrong track? Either way, the cheese seems to give him extra powers, and is like his mana-pool.

Case 6: Gaming World

(The title of his site)

Wow! He names his site Gaming World. At first glance, it would appear as if it deals with games, and covers the whole world of games. On closer inspection, however
it reveals that it is really the title is a hint as to who he is! Obviously it is not Gaming Universe, that would mean he was an alien driven by galactic domination.
It is also not Gaming Land, hinting to a Mario Brothers rip off, and a small scale operation. It is GAMING WORLD. (Emphasis on WORLD). There is no way this can
ever be comedic, or sinister, so I leave it at that... (Emphasis on WORLD)

Case 6: Fenix

(His old user name)

Fenix is a name often used by children who have no idea how to spell Phoenix. Bart, who used to be a child, was called Fenix. He changed his name, maybe to show maturity?
I think not again! He changed his name because it revealed too much about him. Fenix obviously means Fenix down, from final Fantasy series. The same series that somehow spelled
it the SAME WAY. Then, let's consider his actions. He REVIVED the Game Making community.... LIKE A FENIX DOWN! He is some kind of elixer / remedy for death, that is bad at spelling, much like a very old Japanese to English translator who works for Square Soft because no one else makes RPGS that sell.
now, let's look back at CASE 1. Bartek has slanted eyes! He is either chinese, or Japanese. I think, though, that he must be Chinese. Chinese, canadian. CHINADIAN. He is a Chinadian imposter smurf, towel stealing ninja! That, or the picture was taked at an odd angle.

Case 7: Hitler Race

Bart has blonde hair, and blue eyes. Much like a nazi supreme race person! Also, since he is not Jewish, this is the answer. He must be related and tied in with Hitler. Gaming World = Nazi federation or something? You better watch out, Canada and America! Bartek Gniado knows your secrets, and
Hitler is coming back, or something! This would also make sense, since Bart has never hinted to his religion, or political preference. Lord_Gremlian, or DarkPriest is probably Prime Minister Goebbels, someone like me on staff would be Stalin, and there would be a really bad Axis power formed.
Maybe it is time to start running?

Final Result: Bartek Gniado

Of course you have to scroll down!


Actually, that lovely music you don't hear means that this article is over. I have not YET collected enough data to present to you a photo of the real Bartek. Do not worry though!
There will soon be another installment, where the ANSWER WILL BE ANSWERED! Err, yaa, the ANSWER WILL BE QUESTIONED! Dammit, that's not right... THE QUESTION SHALL BE ANSWERED! Yay, I got it! ^_^